There is no fault. Except it’s just that she’d just be better suited to guarding a chain gang on a Siberian gulag.
The pain you feel isn’t because of what you are. It’s the life you’ve had. But life can change. You can become better.
My wife died in pain, and I had a stroke, which stole almost all my memories of her. Being scared of you would be a real waste of my time.
“I live in that solitude that is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity.” Einstein.