Terry Pratchett: 115 Best Discworld Quotes
Discworld is a comic fantasy book series by the English author Terry Pratchett. All the Discworld novels take place on the Discworld, a flat, circular planet resting on the backs of four elephants, which stand on the back of a giant turtle.
Key Takeaways
- In total, there are 41 Discworld novels published from 1983 to 2015.
- More than 80 million Discworld books have been sold worldwide in 37 languages.
- The series has numerous adaptations for graphic novels, theatre, computer and board games, and television.
Here is a collection of the 115 best Discworld quotes on life, death, love, and more.
Table of Contents
Rincewind
Every intelligent being, whether it breathes or not, coughs nervously at some time in its life.The Colour of Magic (St. Martin's Press, ed. 1983), Page 75
If complete and utter chaos were lightning, then he’d be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armor and shouting “All gods are bastards”.The Colour of Magic (St. Martin's Press, ed. 1983), Page 6
Inside every sane person there’s a madman struggling to get out. No one goes mad quicker than a totally sane person.The Light Fantastic (1986), (HarperPaperbacks, ed. 2000), Page 193
Darkness isn’t the opposite of light, it is simply its absence.The Light Fantastic (1986), (HarperPaperbacks, ed. 2000), Page 198
The pen is mightier than the sword, only if the sword is very small and the pen is very sharp.The Light Fantastic (1986), (HarperPaperbacks, ed. 2000), Page 11
“I meant,” said Ipslore bitterly, “what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?”
Death thought about it.
CATS, he said eventually. CATS ARE NICE.Sourcery (1988), (HarperCollins, ed. 2001), Page 5
“And what would humans be without love?”
RARE, said Death.Sourcery (1988), (HarperCollins, ed. 2001), Page 3
The truth isn’t easily pinned to a page. In the bathtub of history the truth is harder to hold than the soap, and much more difficult to find…Sourcery (1988), (HarperCollins, ed. 2001), Page 161
Multiple exclamation marks are a sure sign of a diseased mind.Eric (1990), (Victor Gollancz, ed. 1990), Page 101
Just erotic. Nothing kinky. It’s the difference between using a feather and using a chicken.Eric (1990), (Victor Gollancz, ed. 1990), Page 8
Whatever happens, they say afterwards, it must have been Fate. People are always a little confused about this, as they are in the case of miracles. When someone is saved from certain death by a strange concatenation of circumstances, they say that’s a miracle. But of course if someone is killed by a freak chain of events – the oil spilled just there, the safety fence broken just there – that must also be a miracle. Just because it’s not nice doesn’t mean it’s not miraculous.Interesting Times (1994), (HarperCollins, ed. 2000), Page 1
There is a curse.
They say:
May you live in interesting times.Interesting Times (1994), (HarperCollins, ed. 2000), Epigraph
Fate always wins. Most of the gods throw dice but Fate plays chess, and you don’t find out until too late that he’s been using two queens all along.Interesting Times (1994), (HarperCollins, ed. 2000), Page 1
Creators aren’t gods. They make places, which is quite hard. It’s men that make gods. This explains a lot.The Last Continent (1998), (HarperCollins, ed. 1999), Page 46
Knowledge is dangerous, which is why governments often clamp down on people who can think thoughts above a certain caliber.The Last Continent (1998), (HarperCollins, ed. 1999), Page 16
People’s whole lives do pass in front of their eyes before they die. The process is called “living.”
Also known as: It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it’s called Life.The Last Continent (1998), (HarperCollins, ed. 1999), Page 194
No one remembers the singer. The song remains.The Last Hero (2001), (HarperCollins, ed. 2001), Page 160
Lots of people would be as cowardly as me if they were brave enough.The Last Hero (2001), (HarperCollins, ed. 2001), Page 136
Witches
It is well known that a vital ingredient of success is not knowing that what – you’re attempting can’t be done. Equal Rites (1987), (HarperPaperbacks, ed. 2000), Page 95
Million-to-one chances, crop up nine times out of ten.Equal Rites (1987), (HarperPaperbacks, ed. 2000), Page 182
They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but it is not one half so bad as a lot of ignorance.Equal Rites (1987), (HarperPaperbacks, ed. 2000), Page 55
A key to the understanding of all religion is that a god’s idea of amusement is Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs.Wyrd Sisters (1988), (HarperCollins, ed. 2001), Page 2
It is true that words have power, and one of the things they are able to do is get out of someone’s mouth before the speaker has the chance to stop them.Wyrd Sisters (1988), (HarperCollins, ed. 2001), Page 139
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.Wyrd Sisters (1988), (HarperCollins, ed. 2001), Page 195
People think that stories are shaped by people. In fact, it’s the other way around.Witches Abroad (1991), (HarperCollins, ed. 2002), Page 2
Wisdom is one of the few things that looks bigger the further away it is.Witches Abroad (1991), (HarperCollins, ed. 2002), Page 32
Progress just means bad things happen faster.Witches Abroad (1991), (HarperCollins, ed. 2002), Page 305
In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.Lords and Ladies (1992), (HarperCollins, ed. 2002), Page 1
If cats looked like frogs we’d realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That’s what people remember.Lords and Ladies (1992), (HarperCollins, ed. 2002), Page 158
People who didn’t need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn’t need people.Maskerade (1995), (HarperCollins, ed. 2000), Page 5
The IQ of a mob is the IQ of its most stupid member divided by the number of mobsters.Maskerade (1995), (HarperCollins, ed. 2000), Page 287
And sin, young man, is when you treat people as things.Carpe Jugulum (1998), (Doubleday, ed. 1998), Page 210
The smug mask of virtue triumphant could be almost as horrible as the face of wickedness revealed.Carpe Jugulum (1998), (Doubleday, ed. 1998), Page 47
Only those with their feet on rock can build castles in the air.Carpe Jugulum (1998), (Doubleday, ed. 1998), Page 7
Death
People don’t alter history any more than birds alter the sky, they just make brief patterns in it.Mort (1987), (Victor Gollancz, ed. 1998), Page 107
History unravels gently, like an old sweater. It has been patched and darned many times, reknitted to suit different people, shoved in a box under the sink of censorship to be cut up for the dusters of propaganda, yet it always – eventually – manages to. spring back into its old familiar shape. History has a habit of changing the people who think they are changing it. History always has a few tricks up its frayed sleeve. It’s been around a long time.Mort (1987), (Victor Gollancz, ed. 1998), Page 106
It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever. Have you thought of going into teaching?Mort (1987), (Victor Gollancz, ed. 1998), Page 151
Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.Reaper Man (1991), (Corgi Books, ed. 1992), Page 215
No-one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away.Reaper Man (1991), (Corgi Books, ed. 1992), Page 260
Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.Reaper Man (1991), (Corgi Books, ed. 1992), Page 263
Be careful what you wish for. You never know who will be listening.Soul Music (1994), (HarperCollins, ed. 1995), Page 9
Deafness doesn’t prevent composers hearing the music. It prevents them hearing the distractions.Soul Music (1994), (HarperCollins, ed. 1995), Page 146
TO CHANGE THE FATE OF ONE INDIVIDUAL IS TO CHANGE THE WORLD.Soul Music (1994), (HarperCollins, ed. 1995), Page 148
HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.Hogfather (1996), (HarperCollins, ed. 2008), Page 336
Charity ain’t giving people what you wants to give, it’s giving people what they need to get. Hogfather (1996), (HarperCollins, ed. 2008), Page 207
Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.Hogfather (1996), (HarperCollins, ed. 2008), Page 172
Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying “End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH,” the paint wouldn’t even have time to dry.Thief of Time (2001), (HarperCollins, ed. 2001), Page 75
IN ORDER TO HAVE A CHANGE OF FORTUNE AT THE LAST MINUTE YOU HAVE TO TAKE YOUR FORTUNE TO THE LAST MINUTE.Thief of Time (2001), (HarperCollins, ed. 2001), Page 285
Standalone
Never trust a species that grins all the time. It’s up to something.Pyramids (1989), (HarperCollins, ed. 2001), Page 171
When you die, the first thing you lose is your life. The next thing is your illusions.Pyramids (1989), (HarperCollins, ed. 2001), Page 58
The trouble with life was that you didn’t get a chance to practice before doing it for real.Pyramids (1989), (HarperCollins, ed. 2001), Page 267
His philosophy was a mixture of three famous schools – the Cynics, the Stoics and the Epicureans – and summed up all three of them in his famous phrase, ‘You can’t trust any bugger further than you can throw him, and there’s nothing you can do about it, so let’s have a drink.’Small Gods (1992), (HarperCollins, ed. 1992), Page 121
He says gods like to see an atheist around. Gives them something to aim at.Small Gods (1992), (HarperCollins, ed. 1992), Page 135
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Trickery is what humans are all about. They’re so keen on tricking one another all the time that they elect governments to do it for them. The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents (2001), (HarperCollins, ed. 2001), Page 3
The trouble with thinking was that, once you started, you went on doing it.The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents (2001), (HarperCollins, ed. 2001), Page 15
If you don’t turn your life into a story, you just become a part of someone else’s story.The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents (2001), (HarperCollins, ed. 2001), Page 129
City Watch
If there was anything that depressed him more than his own cynicism, it was that quite often it still wasn’t as cynical as real life.Guards! Guards! (Victor Gollancz, ed. 1989), Page 198
They accept evil not because they say yes, but because they don’t say no.Guards! Guards! (Victor Gollancz, ed. 1989), Page 274
A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read.Guards! Guards! (Victor Gollancz, ed. 1989), Page 8
If you have to look along the shaft of an arrow from the wrong end, if a man has you entirely at his mercy, then hope like hell that man is an evil man. Because the evil like power, power over people, and they want to see you in fear. They want you to know you’re going to die. So they’ll talk. They’ll gloat. They’ll watch you squirm. They’ll put off the moment of murder like another man will put off a good cigar. So hope like hell your captor is an evil man. A good man will kill you with hardly a word.Men at Arms (1993), (HarperCollins, ed. 2000), Page 346
Dogs are not like cats, who amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw. Men at Arms (1993), (HarperCollins, ed. 2000), Page 331
It’s better to light a candle than curse the darkness.Men at Arms (1993), (HarperCollins, ed. 2000), Page 219
Whoever had created humanity had left in a major design flaw. It was its tendency to bend at the knees.Feet of Clay (1996), (HarperCollins, ed. 1997), Page 77
One of the universal rules of happiness is: always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.Jingo (1997), (HarperCollins, ed. 1999), Page 184
It is always useful to face an enemy who is prepared to die for his country. This means that both you and he have exactly the same aim in mind. Jingo (1997), (HarperCollins, ed. 1999), Page 213
Give a man a fire and he’s warm for a day, but set fire to him and he’s warm for the rest of his life.Jingo (1997), (HarperCollins, ed. 1999), Page 274
You did something because it had always been done, and the explanation was “but we’ve always done it this way.” A million dead people can’t have been wrong, can they?The Fifth Elephant (1999), (HarperCollins, ed. 2001), Page 25
When people say ‘we must move with the times’ they really mean ‘you must do it my way.’The Fifth Elephant (1999), (HarperCollins, ed. 2001), Page 181
A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.The Fifth Elephant (1999), (HarperCollins, ed. 2001), Page 91
Don’t put your trust in revolutions. They always come around again. That’s why they’re called revolutions.Night Watch (2002), (HarperCollins, ed. 2002), Page 225
Two types of people laugh at the law: those that break it and those that make it.Night Watch (2002), (HarperCollins, ed. 2002), Page 54
We who think we are about to die will laugh at anything. Night Watch (2002), (HarperCollins, ed. 2002), Page 170
Coffee was only a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your slightly older self.Thud! (2005), (HarperCollins, ed. 2005), Page 183
Shoes, men, coffins; never accept the first one you see.Thud! (2005), (HarperCollins, ed. 2005), Page 274
Once you had a good excuse, you opened the door to bad excuses.Thud! (2005), (HarperCollins, ed. 2005), Page 123
If you want to change a whole people, then you start with the girls. It stands to reason: they learn faster, and they pass on what they learn to their children.Snuff (2011), (HarperCollins, ed. 2011), Page 196
The only important thing in a fight to the death is that the death should not be yours.Snuff (2011), (HarperCollins, ed. 2011), Page 84
Goodness is about what you do. Not what you pray to.Snuff (2011), (HarperCollins, ed. 2011), Page 186
Industrial Revolution
The whole of life is just like watching a click, he thought. Only it’s as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it all out yourself from the clues.Moving Pictures (1990), (HarperCollins, ed. 2002), Page 239
Inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened.Moving Pictures (1990), (HarperCollins, ed. 2002), Page 263
The young man is also an idealist. He has yet to find out that what’s in the public interest is not what the public is interested in.The Truth (2000), (HarperCollins, ed. 2002), Page 175
Sometimes glass glitters more than diamonds because it has more to prove.The Truth (2000), (HarperCollins, ed. 2002), Page 241
In short, what people think they want is news, but what they really crave is olds.The Truth (2000), (HarperCollins, ed. 2002), Page 73
The enemy wasn’t men, or women, or the old, or even the dead. It was just bleedin’ stupid people, who came in all varieties. And no one had the right to be stupid.Monstrous Regiment (2003), (HarperCollins, ed. 2003), Page 389
Revenge is not redress. Revenge is a wheel, and it turns backwards. The dead are not your masters.Monstrous Regiment (2003), (HarperCollins, ed. 2003), Page 350
The presence of those seeking the truth is infinitely to be preferred to the presence of those who think they’ve found it.Monstrous Regiment (2003), (HarperCollins, ed. 2003), Page 212
Peace? Ah, yes, defined as a period of time to allow for preparation for the next war.Unseen Academicals (2009), (HarperCollins, ed. 2009), Page 391
Don’t be smart. Smart is only a polished version of dumb. Try intelligence. It will surely see you through.Unseen Academicals (2009), (HarperCollins, ed. 2009), Page 117
Tiffany Aching
Them as can do has to do for them as can’t. And someone has to speak up for them as has no voices.The Wee Free Men (2003), (HarperCollins, ed. 2003), Page 159
If you trust in yourself… and believe in your dreams… and follow your star… you’ll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren’t so lazy.The Wee Free Men (2003), (HarperCollins, ed. 2003), Page 36
Knowing things is magical, if other people don’t know them.A Hat Full of Sky (2004), (HarperCollins, ed. 2004), Page 86
Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.A Hat Full of Sky (2004), (HarperCollins, ed. 2004), Page 277
A metaphor is a kind o’ he to help people understand what’s true.Wintersmith (2006), (HarperCollins, ed. 2006), Page 275
There be a lot o’ men who became heroes ‘cuz they wuz too scared tae run! Wintersmith (2006), (HarperCollins, ed. 2006), Page 294
The trouble is you can shut your eyes but you can’t shut your mind.Wintersmith (2006), (HarperCollins, ed. 2006), Page 155
The meaning of life is to find your gift. To find your gift is happiness. Never tae find it is misery.I Shall Wear Midnight (2010), (HarperCollins, ed. 2010), Page 86
A spill word is a word that somebody almost says, but doesn’t.I Shall Wear Midnight (2010), (HarperCollins, ed. 2010), Page 120
Evil begins when you begin to treat people as things.I Shall Wear Midnight (2010), (HarperCollins, ed. 2010), Page 181
But the reward for lots of work seemed to be lots more. If you dug the biggest hole, they just gave you a bigger shovel.The Shepherd's Crown (2015), (HarperCollins, ed. 2015), Page 8
Some folk just don’t want to see the truth, even when you points it out to ’em.The Shepherd's Crown (2015), (HarperCollins, ed. 2015), Page 197
Being a witch is a man’s job: that’s why it needs women to do it.The Shepherd's Crown (2015), (HarperCollins, ed. 2015), Page 92
Moist von Lipwig
If you kept changing the way people see the world, you ended up changing the way you saw yourself.Going Postal (2004), (HarperCollins, ed. 2004), Page 311
Steal five dollars and you were a petty thief. Steal thousands of dollars and you were either a government or a hero.Going Postal (2004), (HarperCollins, ed. 2004), Page 10
Building a temple didn’t mean you believed in gods, it just meant you believed in architecture.Making Money (2007), (HarperCollins, ed. 2006), Page 180
An error, sir, is worse than a sin, the reason being that a sin is often a matter of opinion or viewpoint or even of timing but an error is a fact and it cries out for correction.Making Money (2007), (HarperCollins, ed. 2006), Page 55
Luck came to those who left a space for it.Making Money (2007), (HarperCollins, ed. 2006), Page 8
Everything is magic when you don’t know what it is. Your sliding rule is a magic wand to most people.Raising Steam (2013), (Doubleday, ed. 2013), Page 322
Once you have a dream you’ve got somewhere closer to a reality.Raising Steam (2013), (Doubleday, ed. 2013), Page 134
When you’ve had hatred on your tongue for such a long time, you don’t know how to spit it out.Raising Steam (2013), (Doubleday, ed. 2013), Page 284