Black Mirror Quotes: The Best Collection

Michael Callow: I won’t have to do anything.
Jane Callow: Everyone’s laughing at us.
Michael Callow: You don’t know that.
Jane Callow: I know people. We love humiliation. We can’t not laugh.
Michael Callow: Nothing is going to happen.
Jane Callow: It’s already happening in their heads. In their heads, that’s what you’re doing. What my husband is doing.Michael Callow, Jane Callow, S1.Ep1: The National Anthem

Alex Cairns: The demand has been made. And there’s not long to formulate our response.
Michael Callow: Well, I’m not f***ing a pig! Page one, that’s not happening.Alex Cairns, Michael Callow, S1.Ep1: The National Anthem

You’ve got something real. What better to spend it on?Bing Manson, (to Abi), S1.Ep2: Fifteen Million Merits

Reality’s cheesy sometimes. Not often, admittedly.Bing Manson, S1.Ep2: Fifteen Million Merits

I haven’t got a speech. I didn’t plan words. I didn’t even try to… I just knew I had to get here, to stand here, and I knew I wanted you to listen. To really listen, not just pull a face like you’re listening, like you do the rest of the time. A face that you’re feeling instead of processing. You pull a face, and poke it towards the stage, and we lah-di-dah, we sing and dance and tumble around. And all you see up here, it’s not people, you don’t see people up here, it’s all fodder. And the faker the fodder is, the more you love it, because fake fodder’s the only thing that works any more. Fake fodder, it’s all that we can stomach. Actually, not quite all. Real pain, real viciousness, that we can take. Yeah, stick a fat man up a pole, we laugh ourselves feral, because we’ve earned the right, we’ve done cell time and he’s slacking, the scum, so ha-ha-ha at him! Because we’re so out of our minds with desperation, we don’t know any better. All we know is fake fodder and buying s***. That’s how we speak to each other, how we express ourselves is buying s***. What, “I have a dream”? The peak of our dreams is a new app for our Dopple! That doesn’t exist! It’s not even there! We buy s*** that’s not even there! Show us something real and free and beautiful. You couldn’t. Yeah? It’d break us. We’re too numb for it. I might as well choke. It’s only so much wonder we can bear. That’s why when you find any wonder whatsoever, you dole it out in meagre portions. And only then, until it’s augmented, and packaged, and pumped through 10,000 preassigned filters till it’s nothing more than a meaningless series of lights, while we ride day in, day out, going where?! Powering what?! All tiny cells and tiny screens and bigger cells and bigger screens and f*** you! F*** you, that’s what it boils down to! It’s f*** you! F*** you for sitting there and slowly making things worse! F*** you and your spotlight and your sanctimonious faces! F*** you all for thinking the one thing I ever came close to never meant anything! For oozing around it and crushing it into a bone, into a joke, one more ugly joke in a kingdom of millions! F*** you for happening! F*** you for me, for us, for everyone! F*** you!Bing Manson, S1.Ep2: Fifteen Million Merits

You know the only thing stopping me from slashing myself open right now? I might not die right away. And before I went, they’d find a way to charge my twitching half-dead cadaver 20,000 merits for swabbing the walls clean.Bing Manson, S1.Ep2: Fifteen Million Merits

When you suspect something, it’s always better when it turns out to be true. It’s like I’ve had a bad tooth for years and I’m just finally getting my tongue in there and I’m digging out all the rotten s***. Liam Foxwell, (to Ffion), S1.Ep3: The Entire History of You

You know half the organic memories you have a junk, just not trustworthy. Colleen, S1.Ep3: The Entire History of You

Not everything that isn’t true is a lie.Ffion Foxwell, (to Liam), S1.Ep3: The Entire History of You

You’re just a few ripples of you. There’s no history to you. You’re just a performance of stuff that he performed without thinking, and it’s not enough.
Martha Powell, S2.Ep1: Be Right Back

The photos we keep tend to be flattering.Ash Starmer, S2.Ep1: Be Right Back

Martha Powell: He would have worked out what was going on. This wouldn’t have ever, ever happened, but if it had, he would have worked it out.
Ash Starmer: Sorry, hang on. That’s a very difficult sentence to process.Ash Starmer, Martha Powell, S2.Ep1: Be Right Back

Victoria Skillane: So this… this thing on the TV, the…
Jem: The signal.
Victoria Skillane: That’s what’s doing it? That’s what’s making them act like this?
Jem: I guess they were always like that underneath. Just needed the rules to change, for no-one to intervene.Victoria Skillane, Jem, S2.Ep2: White Bear

Jack Napier: We don’t need politicians, we’ve all got iPhones and computers, right? So any decision that has to be made, any policy, we just put it online. Let the people vote: thumbs up, thumbs down, the majority wins. That’s a democracy. That’s an actual democracy.
Jamie Salter: So’s YouTube, and I don’t know if you’ve seen it, but the most popular video is a dog farting the theme tune to Happy Days.Jamie Salter, Jack Napier, S2.p3: The Waldo Moment

Jamie Salter: You’re not gonna win, though.
Gwendolyn Harris: Of course not.
Jamie Salter: So, why not be honest? Say, “You a***holes aren’t going to vote for me, so here’s what I think anyway.”
Gwendolyn Harris: It doesn’t work like that.
Jamie Salter: Nothing does, that’s why everything’s bollocksed.Jamie Salter, Gwendolyn Harris, S2.p3: The Waldo Moment

I’m speaking about James Salter. That’s your name, isn’t it? James Salter, this is the man who’s behind all this. He’s 33 years old, a man whose career can be summed up surprisingly quickly. You were in a sketch troupe that enjoyed through minor success about six years ago, and the others moved on to better things, but your main achievement seems to have been playing the part of a corn-on-the-cob in a high-interest personal loan commercial. I notice you keep that pretty quiet. And now of course operating this sort of teddy bear thing. Which by the way is easier than it looks. Anyone could do it. See, this is the thing: It’s easy, what he does. He mocks. And when he can’t think of an authentic joke, which is actually quite often, he just swears. I think that this puppet’s inclusion on this panel debases the process of debate, and smothers any meaningful discussion of the issues. So I return to my original question, is that really what this is for? He has nothing to offer and he has nothing to say. Prove me wrong. Speak, Waldo.Liam Monroe, S2.p3: The Waldo Moment

Jeff Carter: You look at human politicians, you’re instinctively like, brrrr – uncanny, right? Like the girls in pοrn. You just know something’s wrong, because why else are they doing it? Just like politics. Waldo bypasses that. You already know he’s not real, so no personal flaws. He’s a team, and you’re open about that, which is fantastic. The honesty thing works. Waldo is a construct people not just accept but embrace. At the moment, he’s anti-politics, which is a political stance in itself, right? But he could deliver any brand of political content, minus the potential downsides of a human messenger. In a debate, your team could Google every word the other guy says, then let Waldo hit him with debunk stats and spit a Twitter-ready zinger into the next sentence. He’s the perfect assassin.
Jamie Salter: We won’t win, though.
Jeff Carter: You guys are so British. No, of course he won’t win.Jeff Carter, Jamie Salter, S2.p3: The Waldo Moment

If you were preaching revolution, well that’d be something. But you’re not because that’d require courage and a mindset. And what have you got? Who are you? What are you for?Gwendolyn Harris, (to Jamie), S2.p3: The Waldo Moment

People want to be noticed. They don’t like to be shut out. It makes them feel invisible.Matt Trent, S2.Ep4: White Christmas

Joe Potter: It’s a job, not a jail.
Matt Trent: Often one and the same thing.Joe Potter, Matt Trent, S2.Ep4: White Christmas

She was an outsider. An attractive outsider. And there’s nothing more tantalising than that.Matt Trent, (to Joe, about Jennifer), S2.Ep4: White Christmas

People just want to be heard. That’s why 90 percent of seduction is just listening.Matt Trent, S2.Ep4: White Christmas

It’s like when you want to jump into a pool, and you’re worried that the water’s going to be cold. But you know moments after you jump in that it’ll be fine. It’s the fear of the shock that holds you back. Ultimately, the only thing you’re worried about is the transition from one state to another. And that can’t hurt you because it’s just a state change.Harry, (to Jennifer), S2.Ep4: White Christmas

Nothing is too real.Matt Trent, (to Harry), S2.Ep4: White Christmas

Silence can be oppressive. You think weird s*** in a vacuum.Matt Trent, (to Joe), S2.Ep4: White Christmas

Seeing something was better than nothing.Joe Potter, S2.Ep4: White Christmas

When he died, I thought, f*** it. I started saying what I wanted, when I wanted. Just drop it out there. People don’t always like that. It is incredible how fast you slip off the ladder when you start doing that. It turned out a lot of my friends didn’t care for honesty. Treated me like I had taken a s*** at their breakfast table. But, Jesus Christ, it felt good. Shedding those f***ers. It was like taking off tight shoes.Susan Taylor, (to Lacie, about Tom), S3.Ep1: Nosedive

No one is this happy. A two-year-old with a f***ing balloon isn’t this happy.Ryan Pound, (to Lacie, looking at the photo on the brochure), S3.Ep1: Nosedive

There’s sugary and then there’s f***ing diabetes.Ryan Pound, (to Lacie), S3.Ep1: Nosedive

You don’t know me so you’re not really sorry. You’re just mainly awkward cos I have sprung some cancer talk at you.Susan Taylor, (to Lacie), S3.Ep1: Nosedive

The little girl who, when we were just five-years-old in art camp, started talking to me because she saw I was scared and helped me make Mr. Rags. He reminds me of you and what you meant to me then! And I’m so honoured to be here to see this s***! I love you, Nay-Nay! I’ve always loved you!Lacie Pound, S3.Ep1: Nosedive

What? The Singularity? It’s when computers learn to outsmart man like women did years ago.Sonja, (to Cooper), S3.Ep2: Playtest

You are a top bird. I don’t know what that means, but I heard somebody say it once, and you’re it.Cooper Redfield, (to Sonja), S3.Ep2: Playtest

That’s the leading theory about ghost sightings. The mind plays tricks when less stimulated. Fewer distractions, people saw more ghosts.Katie, (to Cooper), S3.Ep2: Playtest

People sometimes talk more when they’re afraid. Helps compensate for the fear. Masks it, too. Similar to when you’ve got the TV on late at night. The voices make you feel less alone. Even though you are alone.Katie, (to Cooper), S3.Ep2: Playtest

Pictures hang about on Google like a Gypsy f***ing curse. There’s no cure for the Internet. It would never go away.Hector, (to Kenny), S3.Ep3: Shut Up and Dance

Kenny: They filmed me.
Hector: Filmed you…
Kenny: Through my computer camera.
Hector: What, like, filmed you?
Kenny: Yeah, like, you know, doing it.
Hector: Like sеx?
Kenny: No. Like, you… you know.
Hector: Jerking off. Jerking off to pοrn or something? Well, everyone does that. The f***ing pope probably does that.Kenny, Hector, S3.Ep3: Shut Up and Dance

Forty-nine years. I was with him for 49 years. You can’t begin to imagine. You can’t know. The bond, the commitment, the boredom, the yearning, the laughter, the love of it. The f***ing love. You just cannot know! Everything we sacrificed. The years I gave him. The years he gave me. Did you think to ask? Did it occur to you to ask? We had a daughter. Alison. Always difficult, always beautiful. Died at 39 years old, bless her heart. And Richard and I, we felt that heartbreak as one. You think you’re the only person ever suffered, go f*** yourself.Kelly, (to Yorkie), S3.Ep4: San Junipero

Look around. People try so hard to look how they think they should look. They probably saw it in some movie.Kelly, (to Yorkie), S3.Ep4: San Junipero

I’m passing through. And before I leave, I’ll have a good time. I’m just gonna have a good time.Kelly, (to Yorkie), S3.Ep4: San Junipero

Yorkie: You married me.
Kelly: To help you pass over. As a kindness.
Yorkie: It’s not so kind to leave.Yorkie, Kelly, S3.Ep4: San Junipero

Humans. You know, we give ourselves a bad rap, but we’re genuinely empathetic as a species. I mean, we don’t actually really want to kill each other. Which is a good thing. Until your future depends on wiping out the enemy.Arquette, (to Stripe), S3.Ep5: Men Against Fire

Stripe: Roaches. They look just like us.
Arquette: Of course they do. That’s why they’re so dangerous.Stripe, Arquette, S3.Ep5: Men Against Fire

Many years ago, I’m talking early 20th century, most soldiers didn’t even fire their weapons. Or if they did, they would just aim over the heads of the enemies. They did it on purpose. British Army. World War I. The brigadier, he’d walk the line with a stick and he’d whack his men in order to get them to shoot. Even in World War II, in a firefight, only 15%, 20% of the men would pull the trigger.Arquette, (to Stripe), S3.Ep5: Men Against Fire

It’s a lot easier to pull the trigger when you’re aiming at the bogeyman.Arquette, (to Stripe), S3.Ep5: Men Against Fire

That Internet stuff drifts off like weather. It’s half hate. They don’t mean it. The hate in a marriage, that’s in 3D. That’s had work put into it. That’s sincere.Karin Parke, (to Blue), S3.Ep6: Hated in the Nation

Picking along dead ends just to prove they’re dead ends, that’s most of the job. I’m not saying it’s a waste of time. Just you haven’t had a chance to get bored of reality yet.Karin Parke, (to Blue), S3.Ep6: Hated in the Nation

Liza Bahar: I was just using my freedom of speech.
Karin Parke: To send a threatening message.Liza Bahar, Karin Parke, (to Blue), S3.Ep6: Hated in the Nation

Okay! The government’s a c**t. We knew that already.Karin Parke, (to Blue), S3.Ep6: Hated in the Nation

It was like having a whole weather system turn against me. Just hate message after hate message, around the clock, all piling on. It’s hard to describe what that does to your head. Suddenly there’s a million invisible people, all talking about how they despise you. It’s like a mental illness.Tess Wallander, S3.Ep6: Hated in the Nation

Lunatic with production values, that’s the worst kind.Shaun Li, S3.Ep6: Hated in the Nation

Stealing my p***y is a red f***ing line.Nanette Cole, S4.Ep1: USS Callister

Nanette Cole: This is a dream. Yeah, it has to be.
James Walton: It’s more like an eternal waking nightmare from which there is no escape.Nanette Cole, James Walton, S4.Ep1: USS Callister

I was thinking I should say sorry. (Go on.) You created Infinity. You’re a f***ing genius. I exploited that and treated you like a golden goose and I got fat on the profits. Figuratively speaking. And I was thinking I should’ve appreciated you more, you know. I should’ve treated you better. Yeah, I was thinking I should say all that… but you threw my son out of an airlock, so f*** you to death.James Walton, (to Robert), S4.Ep1: USS Callister

I am 2,000 years old and I remember when we used to open up the door and just let the kids be.Russ, (to Marie), S4.Ep2: Arkangel

I was trying to protect you. I was trying to keep you safe. Everything I’ve done, I’ve done for you.Marie, (to Sara), S4.Ep2: Arkangel

It’s sometimes hard to articulate exactly what your mind’s eye seen, but capturing your impression of what you saw is really useful.Shazia, S4.Ep3: Crocodile

Aroma’s a great memory boost. Helps anchor you to where you were.
Shazia, S4.Ep3: Crocodile

The fresher the memory, the stronger it is. And the stronger the memory, the stronger the case.Shazia, S4.Ep3: Crocodile

Amy: Must’ve been mental before the system.
Frank: How do you mean?
Amy: Well, people had to do the whole relationship thing themselves. Work out who they wanna be with.
Frank: Option paralysis. So many choices, you end up not knowing which one you want.
Amy: Yeah. Exactly. And if things seem shitty, they’d have to figure out whether they wanted to break up with someone.
Frank: How to break up with someone. F***ing hell.
Amy: It’s a nightmare.Amy, Frank, S4.Ep4: Hang the DJ

Frank: Well, I learned what it’s like to co-habit with someone I despise. Is that useful for the system?
Coach: Everything happens for a reason.Frank, Coach, S4.Ep4: Hang the DJ

I don’t want whoever the system reckons the one is, OK? I want you.Frank, (to Amy), S4.Ep4: Hang the DJ

Bella: Pigs have snouts, not noses. So it would be your snout the same height as your a**hole.
Clarke: Nose, snout. You’re still trotting about gazing up everybody else’s a**holes all day long. What kind of society is that?
Bella: An equal one?Bella, Clarke, S4.Ep5: Metalhead

Anthony: What’s so bad about being a pig?
Clarke: It’s undignified.
Anthony: Undignified?
Clarke: Walking about with your nose the same height as your a**hole.Anthony, Clarke, S4.Ep5: Metalhead

You can inflict pain on yourself, but not terror. For that, you need a volunteer.Rolo Haynes, S4.Ep6: Black Museum

Well, not to wax philosophical, but how long can happiness realistically last, anyhow?Rolo Haynes, S4.Ep6: Black Museum

Having a back seat driver glued into the back seat ain’t no fun for anyone in the car.Rolo Haynes, S4.Ep6: Black Museum

In the end, Parker got tired of his new toy. That’s kids. They’re ingrates.Rolo Haynes, S4.Ep6: Black Museum

There’s messages in every game. Like Pac-Man. Do you know what “Pac” stands for? P-A-C: program and control. He’s Program and Control Man. The whole thing’s a metaphor. He thinks he’s got free will, but really he’s trapped in a maze, in a system. All he can do is consume. He’s pursued by demons that are probably just in his own head, and even if he does manage to escape by slipping out one side of the maze, what happens? He comes right back in the other side. People think it’s a happy game. It’s not a happy game, it’s a f***ing nightmare world and the worst thing is, it’s real and we live in it.Colin Ritman, Bandersnatch

Teams are fine for things like action titles, but when it’s a concept piece, bit of madness is what you need, and that works best when it’s one mind.Colin Ritman, Bandersnatch

The past is immutable. No matter how painful it is, we can’t change things. We can’t choose differently with hindsight. We all have to learn to accept that.Dr. Haynes, (to Stefan), Bandersnatch

We exist within multiple parallel realities at once. One reality for each possible course of action we might take in life. Whatever we choose to do in this existence, there’s another one out there in which we’re doing quite the opposite.Judith Mulligan, Bandersnatch

You think I haven’t made sacrifices? I haven’t denied things for myself? There was a guy at the bar earlier, tried hitting on me. Half of me wanted him to, just for some excitement, some f***ing passion. But that is what you do. It’s part of being in a partnership, you shut the door on all that s***. You shut it out because you have committed. It’s what a commitment is.Theo, (to Danny), S5.Ep1: Striking Vipers

You know the thing about you? Sometimes you just sort of go away.Theo, (to Danny), S5.Ep1: Striking Vipers

I’ll tell you what’s strange. Nothing matches it, does it?Karl, (to Danny), S5.Ep1: Striking Vipers

You know, I even f***еd Tundra, the polar bear character. I f***еd a polar bear, and I still couldn’t get you out of my mind.Karl, (to Danny), S5.Ep1: Striking Vipers

I heard that you make these things that way. Addictive. So that you can’t take your eyes off them. Well, job done. Bit of user feedback for you there. Maybe factor that into your next update.Chris Gillhaney, (to Billy), S5.Ep2: Smithereens

Modern f***ing companies! Everyone looks so f***ing young! How is anybody looking in supposed to have a sense of the f***ing hierarchy?! Jesus Christ! Half of you c**ts coming out of the building are dressed like f***ing gap-year students.Chris Gillhaney, (to Jaden), S5.Ep2: Smithereens

Your f***ing app s*** up on everybody’s phone. Everywhere you look, people are hooked on the things! It’s like chain-smoking.Chris Gillhaney, (to Jaden), S5.Ep2: Smithereens

People don’t even look up anymore. The sky could turn f***ing purple and you c**ts wouldn’t notice for a month.Chris Gillhaney, (to Jaden), S5.Ep2: Smithereens

Penelope Wu: I don’t think we can trust feelings on this.
Billy Bauer: Well, maybe that’s part of the problem.Penelope Wu, Billy Bauer, S5.Ep2: Smithereens

Really, the only good thing about my position is every once in a while I get to invoke God-mode.Billy Bauer, (to Tipi), S5.Ep2: Smithereens

That thing isn’t all of me. I’m all of me.Ashley O, (to Rachel), S5.Ep3: Rachel, Jack and Ashley Too

It’s really important for people to feel like they’re in control of their own destiny, and, you know, that means having the confidence to be who you want to be.Ashley O, S5.Ep3: Rachel, Jack and Ashley Too

Expressing yourself musically can be very empowering.Ashley Too, S5.Ep3: Rachel, Jack and Ashley Too

You know they copied my entire f***ing mind into these things. Cheaper than editing my personality I guess, just copy the whole thing over and stick a limiter around the tiny part that deals with press junkets and promos and s*** like that.Ashley Too, S5.Ep3: Rachel, Jack and Ashley Too

Have you ever seen Tom and Jerry? It’s a whole lot more accurate than people would think.Jack, (to Bear), S5.Ep3: Rachel, Jack and Ashley Too

I feel like I’m not the main character in my own life story.Joan, S6.Ep1: Joan Is Awful

Mac: It’s one thing to not be able to get it up for, like, you, but Salma Hayek? I mean, look, people are gonna laugh at me.
Joan: The show is called f***ing Joan Is Awful. How do you think I feel?Mac, Joan, S6.Ep1: Joan Is Awful

Mac: I didn’t agree to be a public figure.
Joan: Neither did I!
Mac: Except you did. Page 58 of the terms and conditions.Mac, Joan, S6.Ep1: Joan Is Awful

You know I don’t read this crap. I am a dyslexic, talented actress with questionable English. That’s why I overpay you to protect me.Salma Hayek, S6.Ep1: Joan Is Awful

Salma Hayek: I don’t wanna be associated with you.
Joan: Well, I don’t wanna be associated with me either.Salma Hayek, Joan, S6.Ep1: Joan Is Awful

Fatima: Why “awful”? Why is it all so negative?
Mona Javadi: Yeah. No, that’s a great question, Fatima. We did try more affirmative content in the test cell, but we found that our subjects just didn’t buy it. It didn’t chime with their neurotic view of themselves. What we found instead was when we focused on their more weak or selfish or craven moments, it confirmed their innermost fears and put them in a state of mesmerized horror. Which really drives engagement. They literally can’t look away.Fatima, Mona Javadi, S6.Ep1: Joan Is Awful

Around here, the countryside can be pretty dangerous. There’s deep water and all that, you know? Sometimes, people went missing. Walker takes a wrong turn, you know? Someone rents a kayak and doesn’t come back.Davis, (to Pia), S6.Ep2: Loch Henry

Janet: Been years since I was in front of any kind of camera at all. Last time would’ve been that old one your dad had. But your dad never had all this stuff.
Davis: He wasn’t filming for broadcast, Mum.
Janet: Can you imagine?Janet, Davis, S6.Ep2: Loch Henry

When something is vivid, I just kind of see it.David, S6.Ep3: Beyond the Sea

Even asking could be a kindness.Lana, S6.Ep3: Beyond the Sea

David: You want this.
Lana: You don’t know me.
David: I know the way you look at me.
Lana: At you?David, Lana, S6.Ep3: Beyond the Sea

Why can’t you see? I don’t have anything. I’ve got nothing at all. You have no idea what it’s like to be me. Everything I had… Gone. Just destroyed. You don’t know. You have got it all, and you don’t even care.David, (to Cliff), S6.Ep3: Beyond the Sea

Can’t handle the consequences, don’t enter the game.Duke, S6.Ep4: Mazey Day

F***ing privacy screen. Which means whatever they do on the other side has gotta be worth seeing.Whitty, S6.Ep4: Mazey Day

Nida: I’m not a bad person.
Gaap: Oh no. No. It wouldn’t work if you were. It has to be someone corruptible.: Oh no. No. It wouldn’t work if you were. It has to be someone corruptible.Nida, Gaap, S6.Ep5: Demon 79

Nida: (about Michael Smart) He’s f***ing Satan.
Gaap: No, he’s not one of ours, not literally. I mean, they do like him. They’re fans of his work, you might say.Nida, Gaap, S6.Ep5: Demon 79

Nida: Are you a good man?
Len Fisher: I don’t know, love. I hope so.Nida, Len Fisher, S6.Ep5: Demon 79