You should’ve gone to China. You know, ’cause I hear they give away babies like free iPods. You know, they pretty much just put them in those t-shirt guns and shoot them out at sporting events.[to Vanessa and Mark]
She inexplicably mails me a cactus every Valentine’s Day. And I’m like, “Thanks a heap, coyote ugly. This cactus-gram stings even worse than your abandonment.”[about her mother]
I hate it when adults use the term “sexually active.” What does it even mean? That I like deactivate someday or is this some sort of permanent state of being?