The thing that haunts a man the most is what he isn’t ordered to do.
Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while that you shouldn’t have f***ed with? That’s me.[to Duke]
You wanna know what it’s like to kill a man? Well, it’s goddamn awful, that’s what it is. The only thing worse is getting a medal of valour for killing some poor kid that wanted to just give up, that’s all.[to Thao]
Yeah? I blow a hole in your face and then I go in the house… and I sleep like a baby. You can count on that.[Smokie: Are you f***ing crazy? Go back in the house.]
When things go wrong, you gotta act quickly.
WD-40, vise grips and some duct tape. Any man worth his salt can do half of the household chores with just those three things.[to Thao]
There’s a Mexican, a Jew, and a colored guy go into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, “Get the f*** out of here.”
My name? It’s “Take your crude, overly obvious come-on to every woman who walks past and cram it.” That’s my name.
Watch now on:
Mentally, I’m way too old for you.[Smokie: Hey, so how old is you anyways?]
I think you’re an over-educated, 27-year-old virgin who likes to hold hands of old ladies who are superstitious and promises them eternity.[to Father Janovich]
I may not be the most pleasant person to be around, but I got the best woman who was ever on this planet to marry me.[to Thao]
I even fixed a door that hadn’t even broken yet.
