Life’s hard. It’s even harder when you’re stupid.
I don’t want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse.
Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.
If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes.
Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.
Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
The problem with having a sense of humor is often that people you use it on aren’t in a very good mood.