Hey, it’s Hannah. Hannah Baker. Don’t adjust your… whatever device you’re hearing this on. It’s me, live and in stereo. No return engagements, no encore, and this time, absolutely no requests. Get a snack. Settle in. Because I’m about to tell you the story of my life. More specifically, why my life ended. And if you’re listening to this tape, you’re one of the reasons why.
The truth isn’t always the most exciting version of things, or the best or the worst. It’s somewhere in between. But it deserves to be heard and remembered. The truth will out, like someone said once. It remains.
Whatever happens, keep moving. Get through it. Choose to live. ‘Cause even on the worst day, there are people who love you. There’s new music waiting for you to hear, something you haven’t seen before that will blow your mind in the best way. Even on the worst day, life is a pretty spectacular thing.
The way I see it, there are two different kinds of death. If you’re lucky, you live a long life and one day your body stops working and it’s over. But if you’re not lucky, you die a little bit, over and over, until you realize it’s too late.
I think, sometimes, we aren’t keeping secrets to hide from other people. I think, sometimes, we’re keeping them to protect those people.
I killed Hannah Baker! And Justin killed Hannah Baker. And Jessica. And you. We all killed Hannah Baker.[to Clay]
Hannah Baker came into my life at the end of one summer like a star that fell to Earth. Like nothing I had seen, like no one I had ever met. She was funny, and smart, and moody, and maddening, and beautiful. And I loved her. I loved her so much. And I ask her every day why she did what she did. But I get no answers. She took those with her when she went. Leaving me, all of us, angry, empty, confused. And I know that hurt won’t ever go away. But there will come a day when I don’t feel it every minute. And the anger won’t be so hot, and the other feelings will fade, and I’ll be left with only love. A good friend once said to me, “I can love you and still let you go.” So, Hannah, I love you, and I let you go. I will miss you. And I hope that wherever you go next, you feel peace, you feel safe in a way that you never did here. Wherever you go next, I hope you know that I love you.
Chaos theory isn’t exactly about chaos. It’s about how a tiny change in a big system can affect everything.