Vampires can’t procreate, but we love to try.
I donated my body to science. Except it was against my will.
You are not worth the calories I burn talking to you.
Our life is one big proverbial coin toss.
Just because I talk a lot doesn’t mean I always know what I’m talking about.
If you’re gonna be bad, be bad with purpose.
Humanity is a vampire’s greatest weakness. No matter how easy it is to turn it off, it keeps trying to fight its way back in.
There’s no such thing as a bad idea! Only poorly executed awesome ones.
Take it from me: Strange is bad, dead is worse.
So how do you help the guy who always comes to the rescue.
Play nice. Or I’m gonna revisit the deep, dark well idea.
I know I said it doesn’t bother me that you have a psychic connection to your ex-boyfriend, but I don’t need the play by the play.