Esther, I love God because it is so painful to love human beings. I love a God that never leaves or that always leaves me. God, the absence of God, always reassuring and definitive. I am a priest, I have renounced my fellow man, my fellow women, because I don’t want to suffer, because I’m incapable of withstanding the heartbreak of love, because I’m unhappy, like all priests. It would be wonderful to love you the way you want to be loved, but it’s not possible. Because I am not a man. I am a coward. Like all priests.
A priest never grows up, because he can never become a father. He’ll always be a son. That is why we imposed a vow of celibacy on ourselves thirteen centuries ago, because we must always be the sons of God, never dare try to take His place.
Laymen always think we priests are scandalized by even the slightest things, whereas the truth is the exact opposite. We are never scandalized, no profession has to deal with sin on such a continual basis as ours. The confessional is our operating room. Just as surgeons have no fear of blood, so we priests are no longer afraid of scandal and sin.