Last time I was here with a girl, I was hopin’ to get laid. Didn’t quite work out that way. I did cut my own hand off with a chainsaw, though. It was a fun weekend.
First thing I got to do is see a guy about a book. Must be some spell I can say to undo all this. The other first thing I got to do is some cardio, ’cause my heart is jackhammering like a quarterback on prom night.
Yes, I’m upset. Yes, I’m behind the wheel. Yes, I’m drunk. And maybe my license isn’t the fancy kind from the DMV. But at least I’m drunk!
Trust me, once you get jacked in the face, it’ll all click. I can’t even get my nut up to rumble unless I’ve had a good shot to the chin.
Most people go through life thinkin’ they’re totally safe. People like us, we know the truth. Life is hard and dangerous, and sometimes you just gotta chop off somebody’s head to survive.
Everybody dies here. It’s just a rule. Death, taxes, more death. And I don’t pay taxes, so all I know is death.
You’re the one who grew up your entire life looking for that book, and you never found it. Me on the other hand, I can’t fart without tripping over that thing. And I fart a lot.[to Ruby]