Last time I was here with a girl, I was hopin’ to get laid. Didn’t quite work out that way. I did cut my own hand off with a chainsaw, though. It was a fun weekend.
First thing I got to do is see a guy about a book. Must be some spell I can say to undo all this. The other first thing I got to do is some cardio, ’cause my heart is jackhammering like a quarterback on prom night.
Yes, I’m upset. Yes, I’m behind the wheel. Yes, I’m drunk. And maybe my license isn’t the fancy kind from the DMV. But at least I’m drunk!
With all due respect, your tiny brain is a lot safer without my problems inside it.
We gave peace a chance. Now it’s time for war.
Trust me, once you get jacked in the face, it’ll all click. I can’t even get my nut up to rumble unless I’ve had a good shot to the chin.
Once again I saved the world. Now it’s time to get the girl.[singing]
Most people go through life thinkin’ they’re totally safe. People like us, we know the truth. Life is hard and dangerous, and sometimes you just gotta chop off somebody’s head to survive.
Mommy shoulda’ taught you to knock.
Everybody dies here. It’s just a rule. Death, taxes, more death. And I don’t pay taxes, so all I know is death.
You’re the one who grew up your entire life looking for that book, and you never found it. Me on the other hand, I can’t fart without tripping over that thing. And I fart a lot.[to Ruby]
You know, I was gonna take that propane and blow the doors off, but I’ll happily blow your doors off first.
