Well, we can’t start killing people. We’re getting life back to normal. And killing people isn’t normal, sweetheart.[to Sheila]
You see? I’ve known you, what, five minutes and already I’d rather have you kill me.[to Cora]
When you love someone, that doesn’t matter. Because it’s not about what you give up, it’s about what you get.
I realize it’s not their fault, but f***ing Serbia! Other than tennis players, has anything good come out of that country?
I lost you once. That was enough.[to Sheila]
I just threw up. Like a fair amount.
I found pictures of a few women, but they were taken from inside a toilet, so probably not serious relationships.
I always wonder if it’s better to bury two bodies in one place or spread them around. I’m sure there’s a right answer, but I never want to meet the person who knows it.
Here’s a solution. Let’s all stop talking until I can think of what to say next.
You’re the best husband an undead wife could ever ask for.[to Joel]
You know what’s cool? I’m never surprised anymore.
Why does everyone want to find meaning in their lives? Whatever happened to just getting through the f***ing day?
