One false move, and I will Second Amendment your brains all over this truck.
Last time I was here with a girl, I was hopin’ to get laid. Didn’t quite work out that way. I did cut my own hand off with a chainsaw, though. It was a fun weekend.
If I’ve learned anything from you, Ash, it’s that if something seems too good to be true, it probably is.
Hey, I’m looking for a friend. He’s, uh, tall, dumb, smells like… bread. Um, oh yeah, chainsaw arm. Probably should’ve, led with that one, but…
First thing I got to do is see a guy about a book. Must be some spell I can say to undo all this. The other first thing I got to do is some cardio, ’cause my heart is jackhammering like a quarterback on prom night.
Yes, I’m upset. Yes, I’m behind the wheel. Yes, I’m drunk. And maybe my license isn’t the fancy kind from the DMV. But at least I’m drunk!
With all due respect, your tiny brain is a lot safer without my problems inside it.
We’re not leaving a trail of blood and guts behind us, we’re keeping Michigan moist.
We gave peace a chance. Now it’s time for war.
Trust me, once you get jacked in the face, it’ll all click. I can’t even get my nut up to rumble unless I’ve had a good shot to the chin.
There’s one thing I learned from Ash. Shoot first, ask questions never.
Once again I saved the world. Now it’s time to get the girl.[singing]
