You may be wondering why the red suit? Well that’s so bad guys can’t see me bleed. This guy’s got the right idea. He wore the brown pants.
Love is a beautiful thing. When you find it, the whole world tastes like daffodil daydream. So you gotta hold on to love. Tight! And never let go. Don’t make the same mistakes I did, got it? Or else the whole world tastes like Mama June after hot yoga.
You’re probably thinking, “My boyfriend said this was a superhero movie but that guy in the red suit just turned that other guy into a f*****g kebab.” Well, I may be super. But I’m no hero.
Not often a dude ruins your face, skullstomps your sanity, grabs your future baby mama and personally sees to 4 of your 5 s***tiest moments. Let’s just say it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
Let’s pro/con this superhero thing. Pro: they pull down a gaggle of ass, local dry cleaning discounts, lucrative film deals, both origin stories and larger, ensemble team movies. Con: they’re all lame- ass teacher’s pets!
I know, right? Whose balls did I have to fondle to get my very own movie? I can’t tell you, but it does rhyme with “Pulverine”. And lemme tell you, he’s got a nice pair of smooth criminals down unda’.
You’re still here. It’s over! Go home! Oh, you’re expecting a teaser for Deadpool 2. Well, we don’t have that kind of money. What were you expecting, Sam Jackson’ll show up? Eye patch? Saucy leather number? Go, go.