The truth is way more depressing. They’re not even smart enough to be as evil as you’re giving them credit for.
The snacks are free. The general. He charged us for the snacks, but they’re free. Why on earth would he do that?
I’ve gone over it again and again and again in my head and I still can’t make sense of it. He’s a three-star general. He works at the Pentagon. Why would he charge us for free snacks?
Unless you a**holes are taking me to the Batcave, f*** you for putting this hood on me.
Watch out for him. He’ll charge you for free s***.[about General Themes]
Maybe the destruction of the entire planet isn’t supposed to be fun. Maybe it’s supposed to be terrifying. And unsettling.[to Brie and Jack]
I’m sorry, are we not being clear? We’re trying to tell you that the entire planet is about to be destroyed.[to Brie and Jack]
I will be 100% behind this effort. No matter how offensive I may find you.[to Janie]
I put the moment of impact on a diet app. So, impact is when my diet ends. Only I’m not on a diet. I’m just crying five times a day.
I have news for you. It’s already a complete disaster.[to Randall]
Do you really wanna know what’s going on? They found a bunch of gold and diamonds and rare s*** on the comet. So they’re gonna let it hit the planet to make a bunch of rich people even more disgustingly rich!
A comet, bigger than the asteroid that destroyed the dinosaurs is headed directly at Earth. If it isn’t deflected, the entire planet dies.[to Phillip]
