I love you! Even if you can’t love yourself![to Number Five]
Where has it gotten me? Nowhere. I can’t talk to the person I love. People still don’t take me seriously. I wanna be numb again.[to Ben, about sobriety]
I can’t just call Dad in the afterlife and be like, “Dad, could you just stop playing tennis with Hitler for a moment and take a quick call?”
Face it, the healthiest long-term relationship in this family was when Five was banging that mannequin.[to Allison]
Oh, wow. I know this is impossible, but did we all get sexier?
You’re gonna do great in prison, Grant. Trust me, I’ve been there.
If you keep undressing me with your eyes, I’m gonna catch cold.
Eternal peace is probably overrated.
I’d like to apologize… that you are depriving some village of their idiot!
I just hate group breakups. It’s why I stopped dating twins.
Being smart doesn’t make you interesting.[to Ben]
