It’s my bad attitude that keeps me young.
You’re supposed to ask people about their kids. Okay? It’s polite. It gives everybody a moment to pretend there’s gonna be a future.
With the amount of guilt, I’m surprised you’re not a Jew.[to Alan]
What do time and morality have in common? Relativity. They’re both relative to your experience.
That’s my drug dealer. I gotta take this.
Sometimes Hail Marys are the best Marys we’ve got.
Life is like a box of timelines.
Time is relative to your experience.
This is like “The Game.” I’m Michael Douglas!
The universe is trying to f*** with me, and I refuse to engage.
Sexualizing self-hatred is the hallmark of any relationship that begins with extra-marital infidelity.
Religion is dumb as f***, all right? It’s racist. It’s sexist. There’s no money in it… anymore. Who needs it?