Not often a dude ruins your face, skullstomps your sanity, grabs your future baby mama and personally sees to 4 of your 5 s***tiest moments. Let’s just say it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
Looks are everything! Ever heard David Beckham speak? It’s like he mouth-sexed a can of helium. You think Ryan Reynolds got this far on a superior acting method?
Let’s pro/con this superhero thing. Pro: they pull down a gaggle of ass, local dry cleaning discounts, lucrative film deals, both origin stories and larger, ensemble team movies. Con: they’re all lame- ass teacher’s pets!
Even look in her general direction again and you will learn in the worst of ways that I have some hard spots, too. That came out wrong. Or did it?
You’re still here. It’s over! Go home! Oh, you’re expecting a teaser for Deadpool 2. Well, we don’t have that kind of money. What were you expecting, Sam Jackson’ll show up? Eye patch? Saucy leather number? Go, go.
If I never see you again, I want you to know that I love you very much. And also, there’s about 116 kilos of cocaine buried somewhere in the apartment, right next to the cure for blindness. Good luck.