Maybe everyone’s a little bit ugly. Maybe we’re all just ugly, dying sacks of s***, and maybe all it’ll take is one person to just be okay with that, and then the whole world will be dancing and singing and farting, and everyone will feel a little bit less alone.
When I get back home, I’m gonna show Sarah how much I care about her every single day. Whenever she wants, she’s thirsty or whatever, she can drink my spit, and then she can ride my gas to wherever she wants to go.
Sometimes you might be lucky enough to bump into the one person you wanna spend the rest of your life with, and that is love.
If my best friend keeps his farts from me, what else is he hiding from me? And why does that thought make me feel so alone?
I don’t know exactly what masturbation is or how it works, but I guess it probably feels a lot like the wind in your hair or driving really fast in a car or taking a bite out of your favorite food or dancing with your friends or singing your favorite song or riding the bus or looking out of windows. Now, why would you ever say no to that?
Every day, you ride the bus and count the minutes, hoping you’ll see her again. She smiles, and you feel a strange tingle up the back of your neck. Something carnal inside of you causes your body to break out in sweats. You feel like the luckiest man in the world. She sits alone, just like every other day, and looks out the window lost in her thoughts. You know that look. She’s just as alone as you are. But she doesn’t have to be. You could talk to her. Tell her you’d love to sit next to her today and every other day, because life is short, and no one deserves to ride the bus alone.
Sometimes when you do something too many times, it has less of an effect. It’s like the law of diminishing returns. It happens to everyone. That’s why there are so many fetishes out there.
My name’s Manny, and this is my best friend Hank. I used to be dead, but then he brought me back to life, and we were lost out there in the woods for a very long time, but we survived, because I have special powers.