We’re picking out paint colors tonight so it’s going to be hours of “yes,” “no,” “yes,” “no,” “yes,” “no,” until my world-famous perseverence wears him down and he winds up in a ball on the floor crying like a girl. Wanna come watch?[to Rory]
I’m going to be so cool in there you will mistake me for Shaft.
Yeah, you do know honey, that garbage doesn’t actually talk at all unless it’s on Sesame Street.[to Rory]
Well, we like our internet slow, okay? We can turn it on, walk around, dance, make a sandwich. With DSL, there’s no dancing, no walking, and we’d starve. It’d be all work and no play. Have you not seen “The Shining”, Mom?
This is the last time I ever buy anything just because it’s furry.[talking about clock]
This is it. She can finally go to Harvard like she’s always wanted and get the education that I never got and get to do all the things that I never got to do and then I can resent her for it and we can finally have a normal mother-daughter relationship.
The clock stops ringing once I throw it against the wall giving me ample time to fall back to sleep, you however never stop yapping no matter how hard I throw you, thus ensuring the wake up process.[to Rory]
That doesn’t make sense. This is Dean we’re talking about. He’s crazy about you. He calls like 25 times a day. Have you seen the cover of his notebook? It’s one step away from stalker material.
Sweetie, mommy can’t get up right now. Mommy’s been sleeping at a right angle all night.
Rory’s not going to be a problem. She’s totally low maintenance. You know, like a Honda. You know, they’re just easy, just.. Nice office.[to Headmaster Charleston]
Ok, that will be good for six slow dances, four medium ones, one lambada. But if you plan on doing any moshing, I suggest another coat.[after spraying Rory’s hair]
Mmm… tasty and flame retardant.[about some homemade lemonade]