All right, look if you absolutely have to tell her the truth, at least wait until the timing’s right. And that’s what deathbeds are for.
If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.
You know what the scariest part is? What if there’s only one woman for everybody, you know? I mean, what if you get one woman, and that’s it? Unfortunately, in my case, there was only one woman… for her.
What you guys don’t understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it.
What the hell are you doing, you scared the crap out of me!
Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You’re gonna love it.[to Rachel]
I know they say that you can’t change your parents. Boy, if you could, I’d want yours.[to Ross]
I have got your money, and you’ll never see it, and your fly’s still open.
I hate his underwear. one time I brought a pair marked XS and let me tell you there’s no room for anything excess in there.
You know, you always see these really beautiful women with these really nothing guys. You could be one of those guys.[to Chandler]
You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection.[to Jill]
You know what blows my mind? Women can see breasts any time they want. You just look down, and there they are. How you get any work done is beyond me.
