In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, “How, I hurt my leg. I can’t run. A lion eats me, and I’m dead.” Well, I’m not dead. I’m the lion. You’re dead.
What is the most important thing for a company? Is it the cash flow? Is it the inventory? Nuh-uh. It’s the people. The people. My proudest moment here was not when I increased profits by 17%, or when I cut expenses without losing a single employee. No, no, no, no, no. It was a young Guatamalan guy. First job in the country, barely spoke English. Came to me and said, “Mr. Scott, would you be the godfather of my child?” Wow. Wow. Wow. Didn’t work out in the end. We had to let him go. He sucked.
The purse girl hits everything on my checklist. Creamy skin, straight teeth, curly hair, amazing breasts… Not for me, for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies.
Watch now on:
I never smile if I can help it. Showing one’s teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.
God, this is so sad. This is the smallest amount of power I’ve ever seen go to someone’s head.[Dwight Schrute: So, we need someone to work this Saturday, and I think that that should be… Jim.]
Downsizing? Yeah, I have no problem with that. I have been recommending downsizing since I first got here. I even brought it up in my interview. I say, bring it on.
Coffee is the great incentivizer in the office. It’s a drug. It is quite literally a drug that speeds people up. It’s not the only drug that speeds people up. You hear stories about Dunder Mifflin in the ’80s before everybody knew how bad cocaine was. Gah, man, did they move paper!