What type of computer do you have? And please don’t say a white one.
There was a time when I was alone and had no friends. I’m starting to miss that.
What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis?
The only way she’d be able to make a contribution to science is if they resume sending chimps into space.
Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
Oh, sweetie, if you’re gonna screw things up, it’s gonna be while you’re here, not while you’re away.
Oh gravity, thou art a heartless b**ch.
When there was a lice epidemic at my school, everybody got it except me. I tried to fool everyone by sprinkling sugar in my hair, but I just got attacked by bees.
What do you say to a graduate of the U.C. Berkeley Physics Department? I’ll have fries with that. Because his education hasn’t prepared him for a career in the sciences.
My aunt and uncle were married sixty-three years. Towards the end, it was like watching cheese melt.
I’m not insane, my mother had me tested!
I’m exceedingly smart. I graduated college at fourteen. While my brother was getting an STD, I was getting a Ph.D. Penicillin can’t take this away.
