What is the most important thing for a company? Is it the cash flow? Is it the inventory? Nuh-uh. It’s the people. The people. My proudest moment here was not when I increased profits by 17%, or when I cut expenses without losing a single employee. No, no, no, no, no. It was a young Guatamalan guy. First job in the country, barely spoke English. Came to me and said, “Mr. Scott, would you be the godfather of my child?” Wow. Wow. Wow. Didn’t work out in the end. We had to let him go. He sucked.
I will use your talents come baseball season, my friend. Or if we box.[Oscar: I can help out if you need me.]
Coffee is the great incentivizer in the office. It’s a drug. It is quite literally a drug that speeds people up. It’s not the only drug that speeds people up. You hear stories about Dunder Mifflin in the ’80s before everybody knew how bad cocaine was. Gah, man, did they move paper!
Cage matches? Yeah, they work. How could they not work? If they didn’t work, everybody would still be in the cage.
You talking to me? You talking to me? “Raging Bull.” Pacino. Oh, I want that footage, I want it. I need it.[acting tough after beating Dwight in a fight]
Yes, it is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username. And I have a great one. Little kid lover. That way, people will know exactly where my priorities are at.
Yes, I was the first one out. And, yes, I’ve heard women and children first, but we do not employ children. We are not a sweatshop, thankfully. And women are equal in the workplace by law. So, I let them out first, I have a lawsuit on my hands.[after running out of the office because of the fire alarm]
Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not that way. I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.[to Toby]