Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels Quotes

Your stupidity might be your one saving grace.[to Nick the Greek]

You take those guns, and you throw them off a bridge.[Eddie]And throw yourself off while you’re at it.[Bacon]

You must be Eddie, JD’s son.[Hatchet Harry]You must be Harry. Sorry, didn’t know your father.[Eddie]Never mind, son. You just might meet him if you carry on like that.[Hatchet Harry]

When you dance with the devil, you wait for the song to stop.

What sort of pub is this, then?[Soap]It’s a Samoan pub.[Samoan Joe’s Barman]What’s that?[Bacon]It’s a cocktail. You asked for a cocktail.[Samoan Joe’s Barman]No, I asked you to give me a refreshing drink. I wasn’t expecting a f***ing rain forest. You could fall in love with an orangutan in that.[Bacon]You want a pint, go to the pub.[Samoan Joe’s Barman]I thought this was a pub.[Bacon]It’s a Samoan pub.[Samoan Joe’s Barman]

We hit them as soon as they come back. We’ll be prepared, waiting. And they’re armed.[Eddie]What was that? Armed? What do you mean, armed? Armed with what?[Soap]Bad breath, colorful language, feather duster… What do you think they’re gonna be armed with? Guns, you tit![Eddie]

These are not stolen, they just haven’t been paid for.

The entire British Empire was built on cups of tea.[Eddie]Yeah, and look what happened to that.[Soap]And if you think I’m going to war without one, mate, you’re mistaken.[Eddie]

Shotguns? What, like guns that fire shot?[Gary]Oh, you must be the brains, then. That’s right, guns that fire shots.[Barry the Baptist]

Scarface. I’ve watched Scarface. If you want to know how to do a drug deal, you watch Scarface.

Little bit of pain never hurt anybody, if you know what I mean. Also, I think knives are a good idea. Big, f***-off, shiny ones. Ones that look like they could skin a crocodile. Knives are good because they don’t make any noise. And the less noise they make, the more likely we are to use them. S*** them right up. Makes it look like we’re serious. Guns for show, knives for a pro.[Soap]Soap, is there something we should know about you?[Tom]I’m not sure what’s more worrying, the job or your past.[Bacon]

If you hold back anything, I’ll kill you. If you bend the truth, or I think you’re bending the truth, I’ll kill you. If you forget anything, I’ll kill you. In fact, you’re gonna have to work very hard to stay alive, Nick. Now, do you understand everything I’ve said? Because if you don’t, I’ll kill you.