You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you. He never wanted you. In all probability He hates you. It’s not the worst thing that could happen.
What we call God depends upon our tribe, Clark Jo. Because God is tribal. God takes sides. No man in the sky intervened when I was a boy to deliver me from daddy’s fist and abominations. I’ve figured it out way back, if God is all powerful, He cannot be all good. And if He is all good, then He cannot be all powerful. And neither can you be.
You’re serving. You’re not a servant. Serving is a supreme art. God is the first servant. God serves men but he’s not a servant to men.