Funny Quotes

To whom it may concern, take care of this Rover. She saved my life. Watney.

Life is an endless series of train wrecks with only brief commercial-like breaks of happiness.

It’s funny how sometimes the people we remember the least make the greatest impression on us.

You should seek the services of a mental health professional. The Justice League is not very good at that part yet. Trust me.

When I found out the patriarchy wasn’t about horses, I lost interest anyway.[to Barbie]

Well, dying is certainly better than having to live an entire life as a moronic s***bag who thinks Taserface is a cool name.

One-legged man with 18 pound balls? That’s why he walks funny.[to Barbossa]

I hope you got insurance.

Good news. No one thinks we can do this, so low expectations.[to Jann]

Yesterday, I made a poop shaped like a fish. Even my butt is capable of making an analogy.

Winner, winner, charcoal dinner!

We kill anyone who gets in our way![Drax the Destroyer]Not kill anyone.[Peter Quill]Kill a few people.[Drax the Destroyer]Kill no people.[Peter Quill]Kill one guy, one stupid guy who no one loves.[Drax the Destroyer]Now you’re just making it sad.[Peter Quill]