Will girls ever like us?[Sam Weir]I think our best play is to go for the smart, sexy librarian type.[Neal Schweiber]
What am I supposed to do with a porno?[Sam Weir]You watch it. Over and over.[Neal Schweiber]Ew! Only perverts watch pornos, right?[Sam Weir]Well, then every guy in America is a pervert.[Neal Schweiber]
The dance is tomorrow. She’s a cheerleader. You’ve seen Star Wars 27 times. Do the math.[to Sam, about Cindy]
My mom says that women prefer guys with a good sense of humor.[Neal Schweiber]But you’re not very funny.[Bill Haverchuck]Screw you. I’m hilarious.[Neal Schweiber]
My dad has a rule: You don’t fight girls.[Sam Weir]My dad has a rule: You don’t piss your pants at school.[Neal Schweiber]
Looking for Chaplin, only seeing Hitler.[about his Halloween costume]
I’m Jewish. That’s no cakewalk either. I was elected school treasurer last year. I didn’t even run!