Harold Weir Quotes

You know, I had a friend that used to smoke. You know what he’s doing now? He’s dead. Now you think smoking makes you look cool? Lets go dig him up now and see how cool he looks.[to Lindsay]

You know who used to cut class? Jimi Hendrix. You know what happened to him? He died, choking on his own vomit.[to Lindsay]

Yeah, but that’s for their kids.[Lindsay Weir: How old do you think we are, Dad? I’ve been baby-sitting for the Kellers for two years already.]

There was this kid in my neighborhood when I was growing up, Scott Byron. Now, he kept on trick or treating until he was well into his 20s. You know where he’s living now? At home, with his 90-year-old mother. He’s the laughingstock of the community. Never took a wife, either.

She’s hanging around with the wrong crowd. They’re lying and cheating, and, next thing you know, she’s Patty Hearst, and she’s got a gun to our head.[about Lindsay]

I guess you’d prefer if we’d listen to that punk rock music I’ve been reading about. You know those Sex Pistols? They spit on their audience.[Harold Weir]Ah, that’s terrible.[Jean Weir]Yep, that’s what I want to do. Spend my hard-earned money to be spit on. Now that’s entertainment.[Harold Weir]Oh, come on, Dad. Every generation is afraid of the music that comes from the next. Well, I’m sure your parents hated Elvis.[Lindsay Weir]Elvis didn’t expectorate on his fans.[Harold Weir]No, but he died on the toilet.[Sam Weir]Well, that’s paradise compared to where those Sex Pistols are gonna end up.[Harold Weir]

Certainly glad we all decided to celebrate Halloween. Last time I had this much fun, I was pinned down in a foxhole by the North Koreans.

Are these friends of yours going to be leaving our house in the near future?[to Lindsay]