We’re not all about smoking weed and scouring the beaches of the world looking for the perfect wave. We care.[to Blaire]
We look like suicide bombers having second thoughts.
We are young, and no one can tell us we’re wrong.
Wait. Matty charges you rent?[Ted]Not as much as I pay for an apartment, but still, 200 bucks a month.[Blaire Bennett]For that crappy room over the garage? Jesus, Anne Frank wouldn’t be caught dead in that place.[Ted]
This could be the day I start being cool.[John Bennett]Yeah, today is the day you told a girl you had diarrhea. Don’t put too much weight on today.[Ted]
They killed him?[Ted]Yeah.[Sarah]Oh, s***. Yeah, f*** that. I’m out. Wait, maybe I’m Buddha. Buddha was lazy, right?[Ted][about Jesus]
The key to not getting hurt in a fight is staying loose, like a drunk guy in an accident. That’s why the Kennedys are always fine after they f*** up their cars.[to John]
Stick your finger in the loop of my tag.[to Tami-Lynn]
Sorry. You don’t mind the pot, do you? I get migraines.[Samantha Jackson]Oh, absolutely. Me too.[John Bennett]That’s fine. I’m gonna get a huge migraine in the parking lot in about 20 minutes.[Ted]
So, you think you got what it takes?[Frank Stevens]I’ll tell you what I got; your wife’s p***y on my breath.[Ted]Nobody’s ever talked to me like that before.[Frank Stevens]That’s because everyone’s mouth is usually full of your wife’s box.[Ted]You’re hired.[Frank Stevens]Ted: S***.[Ted]
So, do you say Arizona State University or do you just say HPVU?[to Sam]
Sitting out here in a public, jerking off? Where do you think you are? Red Lobster?[to John]
