The new Superman is… Jonah Hill![Comic-Con Presenter]F***![John Bennett]
You realize we’re breaking the law here? I mean, maybe we should find another way to get the money.[Ted]We could sell all our weed.[John Bennett]Never mind. Robbery is fine.[Ted]
When you hear the sound of thunder Don’t you get too scared Just grab your thunder buddy And say these magic words F*** you, thunder You can suck my d*ck You can’t get me thunder ‘Cause you’re just God’s farts[singing]
We just broke into Tom Brady’s house and tried to jerk him off. You’re ready to be a parent.[to Ted]
Watching other people have sеx on a TV screen, that’s just about the coolest thing a person can do.
Thanks, Blaire. Now he’s going to have to grow a mustache.[Ted]Oh, that’s going to limit my career choices.[John Bennett]Yeah, he’s going to have to be a cop or a fireman.[Ted]Oh, those are dangerous jobs.[John Bennett]
Maybe he’s not a cop. Maybe he’s a stripper.[Ted]Oh, yeah. ‘Cause sometimes they dress up like cops.[John Bennett]If he says you have the right to remain sexy, we’re in the clear.[Ted]
It’s kind of antisemitic to abort a potentially Jewish baby.
If we promise to do better, will you help us put the house back together? For Mom?[John Bennett]Are you asking me because I’m a woman?[Blaire Bennett]No, I’m asking you because you’re the only non-idiot here.[John Bennett]
I’m pregnant.[Blaire Bennett]Holy s***![Ted]How can you be pregnant? You’re not married.[Matty Bennett]Wait, you’re dating guys again?[John Bennett]It was a one-night stand. I had to blow off some steam after things ended with Sarah.[Blaire Bennett]Yeah, I don’t think that happens from blowing.[Ted]
I’m already 16. OK, if I was Mormon, I’d be a grandfather by now.[to Blaire]
Hello, 911? I need the police right away. This guy took my teddy bear.[pause]Hello?