I do believe in second chances, Ted. That’s why I’m still married, and all my sons are alive.
I didn’t know Oscar Wilde was dead. Some of his quotes feel so modern, so of our time.
How can I help, Rebecca?[Leslie Higgins]I just need some advice.[Rebecca Welton]Oh. Keeley didn’t text you back?[Leslie Higgins]She did not.[Rebecca Welton]Ted?[Leslie Higgins]Can’t find him.[Rebecca Welton]Sassy?[Leslie Higgins]On a plane with no Wi-Fi. Can you imagine that?[Rebecca Welton]Disgusting. How about your mother?[Leslie Higgins]Are you f***ing with me?[Rebecca Welton]I am flattered.[Leslie Higgins]
Henry and I played a whole bunch of FIFA while he was here. Very helpful. You know, we both learned who Maradona was, and I had to explain to my son why cocaine is actually bad for you.
Hallmark Christmas movies are films that feature women from the big city falling in love with their childhood crushes. It’s usually some fella that owns a Christmas tree farm. Sometimes he’s also Santa Claus or a prince. They suck, but they’re great. But they also mostly suck. But they’re also kinda great. They’re good with the sound off.[to Roy]
Football isn’t just a game. It’s one of those amazing things in life that can make you feel s*** one moment, and then, like it’s Christmas morning the next. It has the ability to make heroes and villains out of ordinary men.
Every single one of you knows my arse isn’t hairy. Yet none of you spoke up. And I will never forgive you.
Dream big, and you may never wake up.
Don’t sell yourself short. If anything, sell yourself tall and get it altered later.
Change isn’t about trying to be perfect. Perfection sucks. Perfect is boring.
Brevity is nice, but sometimes clarity is the true soul of wit.
And not one crack about my appearance? About this mustache? I look like Ned Flanders is doing cosplay as Ned Flanders.
