Problems, they’re like mushrooms. The longer you leave them in the dark, the bigger they get.
You buy a man a table, he eats once. You teach a man how to get a table and he eats at that restaurant until it becomes a Starbucks.
It all comes back to branding, even with love.
I’m sort of famous for being almost famous.[Rebecca Welton: What is it you do again?]
I never know how to react when a grown man beatboxes in front of me.[to Ted]
Funerals are weird, aren’t they? They’re like a party, but for sad people. Like where everyone knows they have to go and be sad. Maybe you’re not sad, but you have to go and be sad.