Problems, they’re like mushrooms. The longer you leave them in the dark, the bigger they get.
It all comes back to branding, even with love.
I’m sort of famous for being almost famous.[Rebecca Welton: What is it you do again?]
You buy a man a table, he eats once. You teach a man how to get a table and he eats at that restaurant until it becomes a Starbucks.
I never know how to react when a grown man beatboxes in front of me.[to Ted]
Funerals are weird, aren’t they? They’re like a party, but for sad people. Like where everyone knows they have to go and be sad. Maybe you’re not sad, but you have to go and be sad.