Women are supposed to be mothers. It’s supposed to be natural. It comes with the t*ts, right? The equipment is pre-installed.
We have children. We will have to see each other forever. Until we are dead. And then for four to six months after.[to Joel]
Unfortunately, sometimes to make things work in a man’s world, you need a man.
This is very serious. I mean, if this gets out, every working woman will want to get paid just as much as a man to do the exact same job, and our entire civilization will collapse.[to Mike]
Then you’ll fit right into our family.[Benjamin Ettenberg: I’ve heard absolutely nothing from your father and I’m going insane.]
That’s the nice thing about the Jews. We only hijack a conversation.
Just be careful. It can break your heart.[Susie Myerson: I just love money. You know? Smells great. Feels great. It looks great.]
It’s so hard to raise kids when you’re married. It’s really hard to raise kids when you’re divorced. But it’s not that hard to raise them when their dad’s a great guy.
It’s easy to see a diamond once it’s in the window at Tiffany’s. It’s a little harder when it’s throwing up in a bucket in your office. [to Alfie]
It’s easy to quit, but don’t. Don’t quit. Don’t stop.[to Rose]
It really sucks to break up with me. No, seriously, my face is on billboards. You break up with a normal person, maybe you can’t go back to your favorite restaurant. You break up with me, you can’t use the highway.
If there’s one thing a Jewish girl knows, it’s when to see a doctor.
