She’ll be a much better friend once the market closes.[to Phoebe, about Monica]
See, this is why I don’t date women who read.[to Ross, about a book Rachel read]
Ross, listen. I got two words for you: Threesome.[about Julie and Rachel]
Probably kill myself.[Monica Geller: Hey, Joey, what would you do if you were omnipotent?]
Pretend that you just woke up, okay, that will throw her off. Be sleepy.[Monica Geller]Yes, and grumpy.[Rachel Green]What are you… stop naming dwarves![Chandler Bing]
Prepare to feel very bad about yourself.[Joey Tribbiani]Hey! Well, I’ve been preparing for that my entire life![Chandler Bing]
Our trains are on the same track, okay? Yeah, sure, I’m coming up 30 years behind him, but the stops are all the same. Bitter Town. Aloneville. Hermit Junction.[about Heckles]
Okay, well, Janice said “Hi, do I look fat today?” And I looked at her…[Chandler Bing]Whoa, whoa, whoa. You looked at her? You never look. You just answer. It’s like a reflex. Do I look fat? Nooo! Is she prettier than I am? Noo! Does size matter?[Ross Geller]Nooo![Rachel Green]And it works both ways.[Ross Geller]
Oh, I thought that’s what they used to cover Connecticut when it rained.[Monica: Oh, that was my bathing suit from high school. I was a little bigger then.]
Oh, I know. This must be so hard. Oh, no. Two women love me. They’re both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet’s too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight![Ross Geller: I don’t know what I’m gonna do. What am I gonna do? I mean, this, this is like a complete nightmare.]
Oh, check it out. It’s Smelly Cat, the video. Now, okay, I haven’t seen it yet so, if you don’t like it, well, so what? None of you ever made a video.
Oh, and by the way, there is no Count Rushmore![Chandler Bing]Yeah? Then who’s the guy that painted the faces on the mountain?[Joey Tribbiani]