Then you’ll fit right into our family.[Benjamin Ettenberg: I’ve heard absolutely nothing from your father and I’m going insane.]
Miriam, I have to go. I just heard the words “potato salad.” There’s only so much a man can take in his own house.
It’s awfully quick, your courtship. Anything I should know that will certainly kill her mother?[to Benjamin]
It is pretty spectacular. Though “spectacular” takes on a much different meaning once a person’s met you.[to Midge]
If you ever threaten my daughter again, I will punch you right in the nose. It won’t hurt. I’m not strong. But, at the very least, you will be embarrassed that you got punched in the nose by a not-strong mathematician. You really want to mess with me? Go ahead. Take your best shot. And then you will find out what Abe Weissman is truly made of.
I’m really glad to be back in New York City, my home. Where I have so many friends, who hate me. So much family, who are disappointed in me. Where my children live, until they abandon me. That’s why New York is so great, though. Everyone you care about can despise you and you can still find a bagel so good, nothing else matters. Who needs love when you’ve got lox? They both stink, but only one tastes good.
I got up at 9:30. In the morning. You know the last time I was up at 9:30 in the morning? It was the last time I stayed out all night and got home at 9:30 in the morning.[to Midge]
Hey, she stole my childhood. I think we’re even.[Miriam ‘Midge’ Maisel: You stole your mother’s car?]