I’ve been wanking all night. I ate four packets of crumpets and I think my clit might drop off. But I know exactly what I want.
You act like you don’t give a s*** about anyone, but really, it’s just to keep people out. You’ve done it to Otis, and now you’re doing it to me![to Maeve]
I’ve been practicing. But all the flour, it’s making me constipated. Last week, I didn’t do a s*** for five days. Then when I finally did do a poo, it was like my bum had this gigantic orgasm. Oh, it was great.
I know you don’t like emotional s***, but I’ve been thinking about how you don’t really have a proper mum, and I wanted you to know that even though my mum has money, she’s also crap sometimes too. So I was thinking that maybe we could be each other’s mums.[to Maeve]