It’s like my dear old Mum used to say, ‘There’s none so blind as them as what won’t listen.’
I’ve always been an achiever. I’ve never actually achieved nothing, mind you, but I’ve always been in with a shout.
[to Trigger at the bar in a yuppy club]I think we’re on a winner here, Trig, alright? Play it nice and cool, son, nice and cool. You know what I mean?[falls through bar] Drink up, Trig. Drink up, we’re leaving.
He’s cool, I like it. I tell you, if he wasn’t so white I’d swear he was black.[to Del Boy, about Rodney]
He collects informers the way other people collect stamps.[about Roy]
Cheating you? Cheating you?! What’s that rumbling noise? No, it’s alright, it’s Mum turning in her grave.[to Rodney]
You want to see what it’s like up there in the early hours, Grandad. It’s like the end of the world. It’s full of drug addicts, glue sniffers, winos. Do you know what, if a nightingale sang now in Berkeley Square, someone would eat it.
You ought to think about him. He was all on his own once for three months on an uninhabited island. Of course it wasn’t uninhabited when he arrived but that’s another story.[to Rodney, about Albert]
You know, he made the front page of the Lancet, don’t you? As being the only living man in history to be treated for rigor mortis.[to Rodney, about Grandad]
You know me, I’ll do anyone a favour… if the money’s right.
You give my arse a headache, Rodney.
You don’t have romantic feelings, you. You just have animal urges. Sometimes I think you’ve learned the art of seduction by watching Wildlife on One.[to Rodney]