Please! Mademoiselle! I am a well respected member of this community, a pillar of society, a cornerstone of the establishment! How much?[in response to Yvette’s night call]
My apologies, Mademoiselle. With my dicky heart I should not get in such a tiz-woz. I am so consumed by jealousy that I am forgetting that we Frenchmen have this great tradition of having it off like rabbits.[to Yvette]
Monsieur, can you keep off the D-flat? The hammer is hitting me in a very vulnerable position.[imploring Rene not to hit a certain key on the piano in which he is hiding]
I’ve been around and met many people in my life as an undertaker. Unfortunately, most of them were dead.
I’m sorry I’m late. I’ve had a terrible shock. A stiff climbed out of his coffin and went home. I was sure he was dead. But I was sitting in the mortuary, working out the bill, talking out loud, and the final figure must have jumpstarted his heart.
Fortunately, I have my stethoscope. We undertakers cannot be too careful. If we bury people before they are dead, they get very cross.