Ooh, my dicky ticker![repeated line]
Please! Mademoiselle! I am a well respected member of this community, a pillar of society, a cornerstone of the establishment! How much?[in response to Yvette’s night call]
My apologies, Mademoiselle. With my dicky heart I should not get in such a tiz-woz. I am so consumed by jealousy that I am forgetting that we Frenchmen have this great tradition of having it off like rabbits.[to Yvette]
Monsieur, can you keep off the D-flat? The hammer is hitting me in a very vulnerable position.[imploring Rene not to hit a certain key on the piano in which he is hiding]
Monsieur Alfonse, undertaker. Swiftly and with style.[repeated line]
In spite of my years I am still fit enough to bang a coffin together.[wooing Madame Edith]
I’ve been around and met many people in my life as an undertaker. Unfortunately, most of them were dead.
I’m sorry I’m late. I’ve had a terrible shock. A stiff climbed out of his coffin and went home. I was sure he was dead. But I was sitting in the mortuary, working out the bill, talking out loud, and the final figure must have jumpstarted his heart.
I lower bodies into holes. I do not have to pull them out… unless they have not paid.
I love you, I love you.[repeated line, running after Madame Edith and pinching her bum]
Fortunately, I have my stethoscope. We undertakers cannot be too careful. If we bury people before they are dead, they get very cross.
We undertakers are not used to hurrying. Our clients are usually dead.
