I am ready to face any challenges that might be foolish enough to face me.
I am not a hero. I am a mere defender of the office. You know who’s a real hero? Hiro, from Heroes. That’s a hero. Also, Bono.
I am gonna be your new boss. It’s my greatest dream come true. Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check-in time is now. Checkout time is never.[to Jim]
I am a great interviewee. Why? Because I have something no one else has: my brain. Which I use to my advantage, when advantageous.
How would I describe myself? Three words. Hard-working, alpha male, jackhammer. Merciless, insatiable.
Here is to Mr. Iacocca and his failed experiment, the DeLorean.[David Wallace: This was a gift from Lee Iacocca. Twenty-year-old single-malt scotch. ]
Here is my card. It’s got my cell number, my pager number, my home number, and my other pager number. I never take vacations, I never get sick, and I don’t celebrate any major holidays.[to a potential client]
Have you ever seen a stripper before?[Jim Halpert]Yes. Jennifer Garner portrayed one on Alias. It was one of her many aliases.[Dwight Schrute]Yeah, me neither.[Jim Halpert]
Fact. I am older. I am wiser. Do not mess with me.[to Jim]
Employees of this office are very small and delicate. Deserve protection from local pervs. Better a thousand innocent men are locked up than one guilty man roam free.
Elizabeth, I want you to sit here. When the phone rings, answer it.[Dwight Schrute]You want me to answer phones with my clothes on.[Elizabeth the Stripper]We hired you for three hours work and we’re going to get it.[Dwight Schrute]
Dwight, you ignorant slut!