You’re growing up fast, Morty. You’re growing into a real big thorn straight up into my ass.
You’re down here bailing on the rest of us because you don’t want to process your grief and shame like a normal person, by drinking and mistreating strangers.[to Birdperson]
You s*** on my toilet because you don’t know your place, and your place is nothing. So next time you stumble onto a toilet that feels too good for your ass, trust me, it is.[to Tony]
Yeah, sure, I mean, if you spend all day shuffling words around, you can make anything sound bad, Morty.[Morty Smith: You sold a gun to a murderer so you could play video games?!]
When you know nothing matters, the universe is yours.[to Beth]
When I create s***, it works, Morty. It’s called being talented.
Whatever you are asking me, the answer is I’m amazing.[to Morty and Summer]
Well, I don’t like your unemployed genes in my grandchildren, Jerry, but life is made of little concessions.[Jerry Smith: Rick, I don’t like glowing rocks in the kitchen trash!]
Weddings are basically funerals with cake.
Truly nobody cares about your d*ck, Morty. The sooner you learn that, the better.
The reason anyone would do this, if they could, which they can’t, would be because they could, which they can’t.[explains why he turned himself into a pickle]
That’s when you’ve got everybody’s attention, when they’re putting crap on their feet! That’s when they wanna laugh, cry, or feel anything besides a shoe going on their foot!