I’m easy to make happy, which is why nobody gives a s*** if I am.
If I’ve learned one thing, it’s that before you get anywhere in life, you got to stop listening to yourself.
The trick to cereal is keeping 70% of it above the milk.
Since we’re fighting, if you ever have an affair with that guy, I will come to the hotel room and blow my brains out all over your naked bodies.[to Beth, about Davin]
Have you ever tried to relax? It is a paradox.[to Meeseeks]
When you’re not sure what you do for a living, you can make your own rules.
What a romantic story about our son killing a room full of people.[Planetina: I’m finally free. All because of Morty.]
Try not to worry about it, Morty. You’re a good kid, and there’s not a premium on that right now, but you’ll be getting girls sometime after Brad’s out of shape.
Rick can make secret decoys of the family and place them all around the country, but f*** me if I have questions about the starfish man in a target suit.
Nobody’s killing me until after I catch my wife with another man.
If it’s god power that gets you going, light some candles and put on the Billy Ocean, because Moses is home and he’s ready to burn some bush![to Beth]
I may be a man, but I’m also a baby, and babies don’t take responsibility for other people’s suffering.
