I’m easy to make happy, which is why nobody gives a s*** if I am.
If I’ve learned one thing, it’s that before you get anywhere in life, you got to stop listening to yourself.
The trick to cereal is keeping 70% of it above the milk.
Since we’re fighting, if you ever have an affair with that guy, I will come to the hotel room and blow my brains out all over your naked bodies.[to Beth, about Davin]
I may be a man, but I’m also a baby, and babies don’t take responsibility for other people’s suffering.
Have you ever tried to relax? It is a paradox.[to Meeseeks]
Just making conversation.[Jerry Smith]Are you? What part of that gives me anything to work with? My choice is to say nothing, be sarcastic, or bark “yes” like a trained animal. It’s not a conversation. You’re holding me verbally hostage.[Summer Smith]
You have a cosmic safety net for a dad. Embrace it.[Jerry Smith]Well, that makes me feel like a baby.[Beth Smith]It’s okay to be a baby sometimes. I’ve been a baby our entire marriage. But we should all get a turn.[Jerry Smith]
I’m a parasite![Jerry Smith]Yeah, but you’re real.[Beth Smith]
When you’re not sure what you do for a living, you can make your own rules.
I’m finally free. All because of Morty.[Planetina]What a romantic story about our son killing a room full of people.[Jerry Smith]
Rick, I don’t like glowing rocks in the kitchen trash![Jerry Smith]Well, I don’t like your unemployed genes in my grandchildren, Jerry, but life is made of little concessions.[Rick Sanchez]
