I always go slowly. I am an undertaker.
How typical of the French. They put things in with never a thought of how to get them out again.[while trying to open a champagne]
How strange. The boots seem too big for you. Normally, it’s the other way round.[to Herr Flick]
How is the war going? Do you have the half-time score?[to von Strohm]
Helga, you come and sit by me. It looks good to show German officers being friendly with their privates.
Heil-a Mussolini![repeated line]
He’s a very bad pianist, but when my wife sings, nobody notices. The customers stuff cheese in their ears.[about LeClerc]
He is not known as “Ménage Artois” for nothing.[about René and his waitresses]
He has always been very reticent where women of the opposite sex are concerned.[to von Klinkerhoffen, about Gruber]
He fell out of a Gestapo car, over a bridge, onto a railway line, and was run over by the Berlin Express. It was an accident.[explainig why the forger he employed is no longer available]
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We are delighted to have been ordered here to play for you this evening.
Good die to you.