Hallmark Christmas movies are films that feature women from the big city falling in love with their childhood crushes. It’s usually some fella that owns a Christmas tree farm. Sometimes he’s also Santa Claus or a prince. They suck, but they’re great. But they also mostly suck. But they’re also kinda great. They’re good with the sound off.[to Roy]
Funerals are weird, aren’t they? They’re like a party, but for sad people. Like where everyone knows they have to go and be sad. Maybe you’re not sad, but you have to go and be sad.
Football isn’t just a game. It’s one of those amazing things in life that can make you feel s*** one moment, and then, like it’s Christmas morning the next. It has the ability to make heroes and villains out of ordinary men.
Flatulence is just a fancy word for fart, but they both stink.
Every single one of you knows my arse isn’t hairy. Yet none of you spoke up. And I will never forgive you.
Embarrassed. An emotion so useless, it should be embarrassed of itself.
Dream big, and you may never wake up.
Don’t sell yourself short. If anything, sell yourself tall and get it altered later.
Divorce is hard. It doesn’t matter if you’re the one leaving or if you’re the one who got left. It makes folks do crazy things.[to Rebecca]
Cliques are just a way to find a community in a stressful environment.
Change isn’t about trying to be perfect. Perfection sucks. Perfect is boring.
Brevity is nice, but sometimes clarity is the true soul of wit.
