I know. I was there.[Imogene Cleary: Joel left you.]
I just want you to know how much I admire you guys. I could never be brave enough to wear the same outfit every day.
I haven’t had anyone look at me that coldly since I had my mother deported.
I got up at 9:30. In the morning. You know the last time I was up at 9:30 in the morning? It was the last time I stayed out all night and got home at 9:30 in the morning.[to Midge]
I don’t think they let you get married here if you’re sober.[Joel Maisel: How can they just let two people drunk off their asses get married like that?]
I don’t know what grown women talk like. I deal with comics.[Hedy: We’re grown-ups. Can’t we be grown-ups? Can’t we talk like grown women?]
I admit that sometimes I don’t listen to you, but this time, I was listening to you when you did not tell me that you schtupped my best friend.[to Rose]
Hey, should I get a secretary? Harry has three secretaries. That’s when you know you made it, when there’re three dumpy broads sitting outside your office that know all your s***.[to Midge]
Hey, she stole my childhood. I think we’re even.[Miriam ‘Midge’ Maisel: You stole your mother’s car?]
First time at a jazz club, raise your hand. Just me? Wow. Only virgin. Losing my virginity to a bunch of jazz musicians, every Jewish mother’s worst nightmare.
Failure is how we grow. Actually, it’s how men grow. It’s how women shrink.
Everyone in this idiotic business is an idiot. You ever meet someone in show business who’s not an idiot, then they’re an a**hole. It’s a business of idiots and a**holes.
