Just because there is a door does not mean you use it. A door does not represent infinite possibilities.
If women don’t realize what’s going on in the world, they won’t step in and fix it.
I still control this house! I’m just doing it from in there.
All right, everybody. Time’s up. Put your papers on my desk if they contain the correct answers. Otherwise, just don’t.[to his students]
You’ve heard about the shorthand girls? These are girls whose skill in life is not writing full sentences.
Yes. Married.[Joel Maisel: Did you ever think you were supposed to be something, and you suddenly realize you’re not?]
Women are supposed to be mothers. It’s supposed to be natural. It comes with the t*ts, right? The equipment is pre-installed.
To be truly effective, you must be ugly.
I know. I was there.[Imogene Cleary: Joel left you.]
I got up at 9:30. In the morning. You know the last time I was up at 9:30 in the morning? It was the last time I stayed out all night and got home at 9:30 in the morning.[to Midge]
First time at a jazz club, raise your hand. Just me? Wow. Only virgin. Losing my virginity to a bunch of jazz musicians, every Jewish mother’s worst nightmare.
