I’m always thinking one step ahead. Like a carpenter that makes stairs.
I would rather work for an upturned broom with a bucket for a head than work for somebody else in this office besides myself. Game on![before the Hot Dog eating contest]
I would never do that. Waste of money. In my experience, guys are way more attracted to the back of you than the front.[about Jan’s boob job]
I would have never called him that if I knew. You don’t call retarded people “retards.” It’s bad taste. You call your friends “retards” when they’re acting retarded. And I consider Oscar a friend.[about Oscar being gay]
I wish I could menstruate. If I could menstruate, I wouldn’t have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I’d just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus, I’d be more in tune with the moon and the tides.
I think Angela might be gay. Could Oscar and Angela be having a gay affair?
I saw Wedding Crashers accidentally. I bought a ticket for Grizzly Man and went into the wrong theatre. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theatre, but I kept waiting. That’s the thing about bear attacks, they come when you least expect it.
I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero? I really can’t say. But, yes.
I never let anyone walk behind me. Seven out of ten attacks are from the rear.
I miss the days when there was only one party I didn’t want to go to.
I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe, you win.
I love the people here. And if there was one thing I don’t really care for, is that they can be terribly, terribly ignorant about other cultures.