Black Humor Quotes

You know, Virginia Woolf tried to drown herself too.[to Gaby]

Y’all just think I’m stupid poor white trash.[Firecracker]I don’t think you’re poor.[Sister Sage]

Why don’t we make a deal? I have the means to give you anything you could ask for. What is it that you want?[Shane Langston]I want to throw you out of a helicopter.[Jack Reacher]

What you’re saying is extremely misogynistic.[Karen Filippelli]Yes. Thank you. That was not necessary, but I appreciated it. And it proves my point. Women can do anything.[Michael Scott]I’m saying that you’re being sexist.[Karen Filippelli]No. I’m being misogynistic. That is insane. I am not being sexist.[Michael Scott]That’s the same thing.[Karen Filippelli]Michael.[Phyllis Vance]Yes.[Michael Scott]When I got my hair cut short, you asked me if I was a lesbian.[Phyllis Vance]Because… that was one possible explanation as to why you got that haircut.[Michael Scott]And when we get mad, you always ask us if we’re on our periods.[Angela Martin]I have to know whether you’re serious or not.[Michael Scott]

The watermark… it’s a one time thing.[Michael Scott]I don’t care! It was disgusting. Cartoon characters having sеx?[Barbara Allen]May I point out that the sеx appeared to be consensual? Both animals were smiling.[Dwight Schrute]

Saw you reading last night.[Merriell ‘Snafu’ Shelton]My Bible?[Eugene Sledge]Writing too. Ain’t supposed to write s*** down, you know. Gives the Japs valuable intel if they find it.[Merriell ‘Snafu’ Shelton]I guess I won’t show it to them then.[Eugene Sledge]

I’ve worked sites like this all my life and I’ve seen a million accidents like this one.[Connor Merton]And yet they keep employing you![John Taylor]

I wish I could menstruate. If I could menstruate, I wouldn’t have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I’d just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus, I’d be more in tune with the moon and the tides.

How fares your grandsire?[Daemon Targaryen]Sadly, he remains incapacitated. He lies in a kind of waking sleep, unable to do much more than take meager drink. It is barely enough to sustain him.[Oscar Tully]So, he’s alive?[Daemon Targaryen]Yes, gods be good.[Oscar Tully]Well, my time is short and I have need of an army. Perhaps you might place a feather pillow over his head and speed along your inheritance?[Daemon Targaryen]

Do you know what the nice thing is about the Bronx Zoo, Charlie? There’s bars between you and the monkeys.[about the D’Allessios]

A penis, when seen in the right context, is the most wonderful sight for a woman. But in the wrong context, it is like a monster movie.

A boss is like a teacher. And I am like the cool teacher. Like Mr. Handell. Mr. Handell would hang out with us, and he would tell us awesome jokes. And he actually hooked up with one of the students. And then, like, twelve other kids came forward. It was in all the papers. Really ruined eighth grade for us.