Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. You have to snare it. And then you have to tame it. Keep it happy. Care for it. Feed it. Lovingly, the way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving.
Why tip someone for a job I’m capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did, however, tip my urologist, because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.
Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, “Would an idiot do that?” And if they would, I do not do that thing.
When you land, try and land like an eight year-old. These bouncy castles are not designed for adults.[to Michael]
When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had resorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No. I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.
When I was in the sixth grade, I was a finalist in our school Spelling Bee. It was me against Raj Patel. And I misspelled, in front of the entire school, the word ‘failure’.
When I die, I wanna be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever because I will have used that time to figure out exactly why I died and what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in.
Well, apparently in the medicine community, negative means good. Which makes absolutely no sense. In the real world community, that would be chaos.
Unless you’re willing to tell me everything, I cannot accept this assignment.[Dwight Schrute]Okay, forget it.[Michael Scott]Okay, I accept it.[Dwight Schrute]
There is nothing on my horizon except everything. Everything is on my horizon.
There are several different ways to tell if a perp is lying. The liar will avoid direct eye contact. The liar will cover part of his or her face with his hands, especially the mouth. The liar will perspire. Unfortunately I spoke to Oscar on the phone so none of this is useful.
The watermark… it’s a one time thing.[Michael Scott]I don’t care! It was disgusting. Cartoon characters having sеx?[Barbara Allen]May I point out that the sеx appeared to be consensual? Both animals were smiling.[Dwight Schrute]