Why tip someone for a job I’m capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did, however, tip my urologist, because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.
When I was in the sixth grade, I was a finalist in our school Spelling Bee. It was me against Raj Patel. And I misspelled, in front of the entire school, the word ‘failure’.
Well, apparently in the medicine community, negative means good. Which makes absolutely no sense. In the real world community, that would be chaos.
There are several different ways to tell if a perp is lying. The liar will avoid direct eye contact. The liar will cover part of his or her face with his hands, especially the mouth. The liar will perspire. Unfortunately I spoke to Oscar on the phone so none of this is useful.
Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television, North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe! Ryan started the fire![singing to the tune of We Didn’t Start the Fire]
It’s a terrible idea.[Jim Halpert: What is?]Them in there all together. If they stay in there too long they’re gonna get on the same cycle. Wreak havoc on our plumbing.[noticing the women having a meeting]
I’m a deer hunter. I go all the time with my dad. One thing about deer, they have very good vision. One thing about me, I’m better at hiding than they are at vision.
I.D. badges are long overdue. Security in this office park is a joke. Last year, I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day, with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?
I was the youngest pilot in Pan Am history. When I was four, the pilot let me ride in the cockpit and fly the plane with him. And I was four. And I was great. And I would have landed it, but my dad wanted us to go back to our seats.