The Shrutes have their own traditions. We usually marry standing in our own graves. Makes the funerals very romantic, but the weddings are a bleak affair.
Reject a woman and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also weak arms.
One of my life goals was to die right here in my desk chair. And today, that dream was shattered.
Once I’m officially Regional Manager, my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So I will need a new number two. My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable, fictional, and overqualified.
Not everything’s a lesson. Sometimes you just fail.[Ryan Howard: I don’t get it. I don’t get what I did wrong.]
No, don’t call me a hero. Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys who wake up every morning, and go into their normal jobs, and get a distress call from the commissioner, and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime. Those are the real heroes.
Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television, North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe! Ryan started the fire![singing to the tune of We Didn’t Start the Fire]
It’s those online paper jerks. The whole business is changing. You know what? They’re going to be screwed once this whole internet fad is over.[to Ryan]
It’s a terrible idea.[Jim Halpert: What is?]Them in there all together. If they stay in there too long they’re gonna get on the same cycle. Wreak havoc on our plumbing.[noticing the women having a meeting]
Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery.
I’m a deer hunter. I go all the time with my dad. One thing about deer, they have very good vision. One thing about me, I’m better at hiding than they are at vision.
I.D. badges are long overdue. Security in this office park is a joke. Last year, I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day, with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?