I wish I could menstruate. If I could menstruate, I wouldn’t have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I’d just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus, I’d be more in tune with the moon and the tides.
I was the youngest pilot in Pan Am history. When I was four, the pilot let me ride in the cockpit and fly the plane with him. And I was four. And I was great. And I would have landed it, but my dad wanted us to go back to our seats.
I want him to have all the urine he needs.[to Angela, about Michael]
I saw Wedding Crashers accidentally. I bought a ticket for Grizzly Man and went into the wrong theatre. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theatre, but I kept waiting. That’s the thing about bear attacks, they come when you least expect it.
I never let anyone walk behind me. Seven out of ten attacks are from the rear.
I like the people I work with generally, with four exceptions.
I know. It belonged to my grandfather. He was buried in it, so family heirloom.[Pam Beesly: It’s a nice tux.]
I don’t have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once. But by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor’s dog.
I don’t care what Jim says, that is not the real Ben Franklin. I am 99% sure.
I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War II veteran, killed 20 men, then spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp. My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight.
I am ready to face any challenges that might be foolish enough to face me.
I am not a hero. I am a mere defender of the office. You know who’s a real hero? Hiro, from Heroes. That’s a hero. Also, Bono.